Donating Tenderness

Event Index

2007-07-30T12:00:00.001-04:00

Below is an archived record of the 24 straight hours that I spent blogging here at "Donating Tenderness" in an effort to help raise money for the construction of the Indiana Tenderness Trail, as well as to help raise awareness regarding the impact that violence has on the lives of it's victims.

Donations can still be made in contribution to the Indiana Tenderness Trail any time up until Wednesday night, August 1st, at midnight EST.

Much Thanks.

~ Joanna Stoane

Pledging to The Tenderness Trail

"Joanna at Donating Tenderness is blogging for the Tenderness Trail, an online memorial to child victims of violence. She has an amazing series of posts underway, thoroughly researched and brimming with information. It's not an easy topic but Joanna has turned it into one of the best and most comprehensive 'thon themes I've seen."
~ Bill Hooker
Blogathon 2007 Moderator
7/28/2007 (10:33 PM)

Saturday, July 28th

(9:00 am) Introduction

The Span of Violence
( 9:30 am) Lost in Time
(10:00 am) Stopping Abuse
(10:30 am) How Violence Affects Our Children
(11:00 am) Violence is Preventable ~ Unity is the Key

Learning From the Past
(11:30 am) The CANDLES Holocaust Museum
(12:00 pm) Eva Mozes Kor (Founder of CANDLES)
(12:30 pm) Documentary: Forgiving Dr. Mengele
( 1:00 pm) Forgiveness: Dr. Hans Munch
( 1:30 pm) Stanley Milgram's Famous Experiment

The Indiana Series
( 2:00 pm) ARTICLE: "Justice Often Uneven"
( 2:30 pm) ARTICLE: "Neglect Is Tougher to Prove"
( 3:00 pm) ARTICLE: "Reforms Benefiting Children Elsewhere"
( 3:30 pm) ARTICLE: "Adults Putting Loyalty Above Child Welfare"
( 4:00 pm) ARTICLE: "How Indiana Children Die Needlessly"
( 4:30 pm) ARTICLE: "Unreported Suspicions"
( 5:00 pm) ARTICLE: "Make It Your Business"

Behind Closed Doors
( 5:30 pm) ARTICLE: "Violence Has a Home Address"
( 6:00 pm) ARTICLE: "Increased Risk of Death in Children of Abused Women"
( 6:30 pm) ARTICLE: "Violent Death Among Children Linked to Household Firearms"
( 7:00 pm) National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
( 7:30 pm) Statistics for Children in Violent Homes
( 8:00 pm) Article: "Breaking the Cycle"
( 8:30 pm) Facts on Preventing Violence Against Women & Children

Those Left Behind
( 9:00 pm) National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children (POMC)
( 9:30 pm) 'To Survivors of Homicide' (From POMC Brochure)
(10:00 pm) A Message From John Walsh
(10:30 pm) Grief - "The Human Experience"
(11:00 pm) Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters (M.O.M.S.)
(11:30 pm) Impact Statement, Written by Debbie Wiley

Sunday, July 29th

(12:00 am) ARTICLE: 'A Grief Like No Other'
(12:30 am) "GRIEF", Written by Debbie Wiley
( 1:00 am) Author, Kathleen O'Hara
( 1:30 am) The Compassionate Friends
( 2:00 am) Bereaved Parents of the USA

Behind Closed Doors
( 2:30 am) National Center for Children Exposed to Violence **

Remembering Our Lost
( 3:00 am) POMC Murder Window...Honoring Their Memories
( 3:30 am) Amber Hagerman ... In Memory of All Abducted Children
( 4:00 am) Garden of Angels Inc.

Those Left Behind
( 4:30 am) Office For Victims of Crime (OVC) **

( 5:00 am) FacesOfTheMissing.org
( 5:30 am) Parents of Murdered Children Inc. Unsolved Murders
( 6:00 am) Justice For Murdered Children (JFMC.org)

Voices Behind The Pain
( 6:30 am) The CWLA Children's Memorial Flag Initiative
( 7:00 am) David Carr Jr., Saxophonist
( 7:30 am) Protecting America's Children: A National Message Mural
( 8:00 am) POMC National Song: We Are Survivors"
( 8:30 am) Closing Poem

( 9:00 am) Conclusion (24th Hour!)

Conclusion (9:00 am -- 24th HOUR!)

2007-07-29T09:00:00.000-04:00

Oh my God, I've actually made it through to the final hour? Well now, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm really rather impressed.

I need to send an extra special thanks the following people for getting me to this point:

To Richard Propes for allowing me to follow through with my efforts, and for encouraging me through every step of the way.
To Those who've pledged donations towards my efforts, it means a lot!
To Nikki, for introducing me to this year's Blogathon and for your encouragement through out the event (especially for the pic of you sporting the zombie look. Priceless.).
To Mike for your many phone calls - you've been a big help in my maintaining the ability to stay awake and to remain focused through out the past 24 hours.
To my little sister who has encouraged me and provided me with a means to complete this project
And, finally, to the individuals behind the annual Blogathon at blogathon.org. You people are awesome!

And now I go to sleep for the first time in 27 hours (I got up early yesterday morning).

Hour 24

Good Nite...or good morning. Whatever...

Love, Thanks, & Hope Sent,

~ Joanna

Closing Poem (8:30 am)

2007-07-29T08:35:00.001-04:00

Ending this section (Voices Behind The Pain) with the poem below seems rather appropriate to me. I located this, written anonymously, on the Child Welfare League of America homepage.

~ Joanna

Post #47

Need sleep...need. sleep.

Reference: Child Welfare League Homepage (http://www.cwla.org)
_____________________________________

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond's gift in snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quite birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

--Author Unknown

POMC Inc. National Song: "We Are Survivors" (8:00 am)

2007-07-29T08:00:00.001-04:00

I picked this song as an addition to "Voices Behind The Pain" simply because it embodies all that I hoped to find in following the idea behind this section of "Donating Tenderness" in the first place. I wanted to provide readers with examples that show how powerful self expression can be in any type of emotional healing. But I feel the importance exists even more so for parents of children lost to violence.

~ Joanna

Hour 23

Reference: National Organization For Parents of Murdered Children
(http://www.pomc.org/)

National Song

"We Are The Survivors"^© was written and composed in 1993 by Richard Wright. It is performed by Kim Tewksbury whose father, Monte, was murdered in Cincinnati, Ohio in 1983. A gift to POMC from Kim and Rick, the song is a message of hope and healing.

Click here to listen to "We Are The Survivors" in Real Audio Format. You will need the Real Audio Player to listen. If you don't have the player, click on the icon at the top.

If you would like to order a copy of "We Are The Survivors", please call us toll free at (888) 818-POMC.

We Are The Survivors
written by R. Wright

There are those of us whose mothers have been taken from our arms,

There are those of us with children we could not keep safe from harm.

There are those of us who've lived to see our fathers lose their lives,

And each and every one of us survives.

Chorus

We are the survivors, left behind to carry on.

We are the survivors, joined together we are strong.

We will speak out for our loved ones who were not given a choice.

We are the survivors, hear our voice.

Maybe some of us have brothers who were here, but now they're gone,

You can ask about our sisters, because their memory is strong.

We are sons and we are daughters, we are husbands, we are wives,

And each and every one of us survives.

Repeat Chorus

With a part of us that never heals, and a fear of the unknown,

There's a strength in knowing through it all, you're not alone.

We are the survivors, hear our voice.

If you would like to purchase this song on cassette tape, please click here .

Protecting America's Children: A National Message Mural (7:30 am)

2007-07-29T07:28:00.000-04:00

The unveiling of this mural is a powerful statement, illustrating the needed commitment we lack as a society in protecting our children from violence. I hope you find this article as enjoyable and as encouraging as I have.

Enjoy,
Joanna

Reference: The Child Welfare League of America
(http://www.cwla.org/advocacy/memorialflagcortado.htm)

Protecting America's Children: A National Message Mural

Artist Xavier Cortada unveils a national message mural on April 22, 2005
(Photo courtesy of Staash Press.)

Cuban-American artist and activist Xavier Cortada unveiled an original mural to support the CWLA National Children's Memorial Flag initiative on April 22, 2005, at the Washington, D.C.-based IDEA Public Charter School. The mural includes poems and messages written by IDEA students, CWLA members and staff, and concerned citizens about the issues of child abuse and violence prevention. The mural will serve as a powerful and visible reminder of how the IDEA students overcame their struggles and fears, and through artistic expression and civic engagement created a masterpiece for their fellow and future students to enjoy for years to come.

Several local officials, including Washington, D.C. Fire and Emergency Medical Services Chief, Adrian Thompson; Executive Director of Charter Schools for the District of Columbia Board of Education, Dr. Brenda Belton; and Captain Deirdre Porter from the Office of the Chief of Police, participated in the Children's Memorial Flag Day ceremony and contributed their voices to the National Message Mural.

"Children are indeed our most precious resource…" says Mr. Cortada. "Sadly, at times, many of them are forgotten and ignored. Worse, some of them are victims of abuse and violence. During Child Abuse Prevention Month, CWLA invites all of us to reflect on what we do personally and societally to ensure that our children have a brighter future. Through the Children's Memorial Flag Campaign, CWLA encourages us to become more involved and more responsible."

CWLA initiated a partnership with the IDEA School after a fire was deliberately set at the school during the early morning hours of December 7, 2004. The fire caused substantial damage to the building. To help the community heal, CWLA introduced an innovative poetry curriculum to the 11th and 12th grade Humanities students. Through the poetry writing exercises, students have been able to express their feelings about the fire and its aftermath, as well as the realities of growing up in an urban setting beset by violence and crime.

David Carr Jr., Saxophonist (7:00 am)

2007-07-29T07:00:00.002-04:00

This artist has worked a great deal with programs which benefit children. Most recently he wrote the song "Sounds of Innosense" which has become the official theme song of Our Garden of Angels Inc (which I blogged about in a prior post). Through his music he has given a voice to thousands of parents who are so often isolated by their grief and shock in the aftermath of losing a child.

~ Joanna

Hour 22

Good Morning Everybody!

Reference: N'Fluent Music Homepage
(http://www.nfluentmusic.com/)
____________________________

Story Behind The Artist

Saxophonist, DAVID CARR, JR., has pursued his passion as an artist since the age of 12. His inspiration came inherently from his father, also a saxophonist. Through his influence, along with his undying patience and hard work, David’s desire to pursue his goals with perseverance and dedication was born. All these attributes have played an integral part in his success today.

As a self-taught and prolific player by ear, DAVID writes and produces his soulful melodies in his own studio. His refreshing new blend of contemporary jazz, combined with an R&B/Funk flair, has earned him a reputation and sound which separates him from many other saxophonists of today. Coupled with his provocative stage presence and innovative sounds, his smooth, yet rhythmic sound, has been compared with such greats as Grover Washington, Jr. and David Sanborn.

David performs as a solo artist, as well as, with his band. His performances are largely comprised from corporate & charity events, weddings and/or private parties, JAZZ concerts and music festivals—both in and outside of the US. Combining his many years of experience, along with his raw talent, profoundly reinforces that David Carr Jr. is a true commodity.

As a young boy, DAVID’s commitment to a “drug free” life has earned him the credibility, respect and recognition as a true “artist” throughout his career. In consideration of these attributes, David’s participation in outreach programs benefitting the children and young adults of today is not only an inspiration for many, but also a rewarding experience as well. The many local agencies that Davd has worked with throughout the years:

The Collin County Children’s Advocacy Center
MDA,
MEALS ON WHEELS,
THE HEART ASSOCIATION,
THE DOWN SYNDROME GUILD OF DALLAS
THE HOLT INTERNATIONAL CHILDREN’S SERVICES

Most recently, DAVID’s newest community involvement has been with Child Advocate, Mark Klaas (http://www.klaaskids.org/) and “Our Garden of Angels”, a support group whose mission is to prevent violent abuse to men, women and children, as well as, comfort and guide those left behind after losing a loved one from the violent act of murder.

Hear David’s song, “Sounds of Innosense”, the official theme song for “The Garden”, on their website: http://www.ourgardenofangels.org/

For more information about DAVID and his music—plus, his Calendar of Events, visit his website @ www.davidcarrjr.com or call his 24-HR JAZZLINE: 800.650.5003.

The CWLA Children's Memorial Flag Initiative (6:30 am)

2007-07-29T06:33:00.000-04:00

This is the first post in the ending section of this blog, "Voices Behind The Pain". The focus will be on the expression of grief and pain, expressed when our children are lost to violence -- and revealed through some form of artwork.

~ Joanna

Reference: Child Welfare League of America
(http://www.cwla.org/)

Children's Memorial Flag

The CWLA Children's Memorial Flag Initiative

In 1998, CWLA launched a public awareness campaign to direct attention to the tragedy of violent child deaths as part of a national initiative to reduce child mortality.

The centerpiece is simple--a red flag depicting blue, paper-doll-like figures of children holding hands. In the center, the white chalk outline of a missing child symbolizes the thousands of children lost to violence. Created by a 16-year-old student in Alameda County, California, and flown on the fourth Friday in April, the Children's Memorial Flag honors each lost child and raises public awareness about the continuing problem of violence against children.

For the past three years, all 50 governors have united in an impressive bipartisan effort by flying the flag, issuing proclamations, or participating in ceremonies to memorialize children. National and local publicity has been terrific, and the Children's Memorial Flag has become an increasingly recognizable symbol of the need to improve our efforts to protect children.

The Children's Memorial Flag has also received support from mayors, directors of social service agencies and hospitals, schools, district attorneys, police chiefs, and others.

Further the Cause

The Children's Memorial Flag has already brought the issue of child abuse and neglect to light for thousands of people, but we must continue the momentum if we hope to prevent future occurrences of violence against children. Your support is essential to helping us realize the dream of eliminating the violence against children.

Stay Connected

Each year, more and more concerned citizens join in the Children's Memorial Flag Initiative. The energy and enthusiasm for this initiative has been overwhelming, and we would like to share your stories with others who participate in the flag campaign or are thinking about getting involved. Tell us what you or your organization is doing to support National Children's Memorial Flag Day. E-mail pictures and stories to flag@cwla.org.

Nearly 3 million children are reported abused and neglected each year in this country, and more than 1,000 die tragically from abuse and neglect. Have you experienced tragedy firsthand? Please share your story.

Justice For Murdered Children (JFMC.org) 6:00 am

2007-07-29T06:04:00.001-04:00

In the memory of the thousands of murdered children we lose to violence each year, this organization strives to bring an end to this escalating threat and to help families whose children have been lost to it.

~ Joanna

Hour 21
Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this mor.... err ....yesterday.

Reference: Justice For Murdered Children Homepage
(http://jfmc.org)

Justice For Murdered Children is determined to see that the scales of justice are balanced, that our murdered children are not forgotten and that the rights of the victims' families are zealously protected.

Across this great country of ours, families of murdered children have lost faith in the criminal justice system; they have been treated as a mere afterthought. It is time that these families get the support they so desperately deserve. For them it does not end when they bury their child; it is only the beginning of an everlasting nightmare.

Justice For Murdered Children is committed to protecting our children from homicide. We are adamant about providing safe streets, communities and schools. Children can no longer live in fear of being murdered on the streets of the United States of America

Justice For Murdered Children

POMC Inc. Unsolved Cases (5:30 am)

2007-07-29T05:31:00.000-04:00

Along with remembering the children we've lost as a result of violence, we can also work to bring their killers to justice. If you have any information that may lead to the resolution of any of the cases below please contact POMC either through email or by regular mail.

Thanks,
~ Joanna

Reference: The National Organization of Parent of Murdered Children, Inc. (http://www.pomc.com/catchkiller.cfm)

Catch A Killer

Click on links below to read about our unsolved cases.

Case #1 Re: Lori Ann Hill
State: Ohio

Case #2 Re: James L. Smith & John P. Mattmiller
State: NC

Case #3 Re: Doris Bertsch
State: Kentucky
Murderer CAUGHT in CASE THREE!

Case #4 Re: Theodore C. Carleton
State: Texas

Case #5 Re: Michael Bruce
State: Illinois
Murderer CAUGHT in CASE FIVE!

Case #6 Re: Patris Derville
State: New York
Murderer CAUGHT in CASE SIX!

Case #7 Re: Robert Jude Nanni
State: Florida

Case #8 Re: Alisa Newton Heinsohn
State: Texas

Case #9 Re: Tamara (Tami) Eve Tignor
State: New Jersey

Case #10 Re: Elward J. Alexander III
State: Maryland

Case #11 Re: Joshua Wolfe
State: Massachusetts

Case #12 Re: Melvin Anthony Nieves, Jr.
State: New York

Case #13 Re: Gregory Jukiewicz
State: Colorado

Case #14 Re: Kristie Lynn Gunderson Lee
State: Florida

Case #15 Re: Rakeim Graves
State: Pennsylvania

Case #16 Re: Isaac Dawkins
State: Georgia
Murderer CAUGHT in CASE SIXTEEN!!

Case #17 Re: Patricia Ann Scoville
State: Vermont
Murderer CAUGHT in CASE SEVENTEEN!!

Case #18 Re: David Norred
State: Alabama

Case #19 Re: Sean Burgado
State: Hawaii

Case #20 Re: Sheila Patterson Manley
State: SC

Case #21 Re: Orlando Harris
State: Pennsylvania

Case #22 Re: Clifford Johnson, Jr.
& Timothy Noble
State: Georgia

Case #23 Re: Erica Espinoza
State: Texas

Case #24 Re: Tanya Gelzer
State: New York

Case #25 Re: Jerry Alter
State: Michigan

Case #26 Re: Casperin Amory Hernandez
& Noel Wendell Hernandez
State: Illinois

Case #27 Re: Jamal R. Smith
State: Pa

Case #28 Re: Cara' J. Davenport
State: Mo

Case #29 Re: Michael R. Sarniak, Sr.
State: Illinois

Case #30 Re: Michael Cory Lee
State: California

Case #31 Re: Kristin Laurite
State: Arkansas

Case #32 Re: Dennis Gruszewski
State: Ohio

Case #33 Re: Richard A. Lopez
State: California

Case #34 Re: Jill-Lyn Euto
State: New York

Case #35 Re: Tavaneka Nicole Sellers
State: Alabama

Case #36 Re: Keith Mann
State: Texas

Case #37 Re: Patricia "Trish" Andreau
State: Florida

Case #38 Re: Jeffery Allen Ola
State: Tennessee

Case #39 Re: Joseph Paul Gallico
State: Florida

Case #40 Re: John Edward Fabela
State: Florida

Case #41 Re: Patrick F. Rutter State: PA

Case #42 Re: Heath Dean Rutherford
State: Ohio

Case #43 Re: Cayci Rebekah Higgins
State: Tennessee

Case #44 Re: Cheryl Lynn Blake
State: Texas

Case #45 Re: Joshua Kale Wheeler
State: Missouri

Case #46 Re: Michelle O'keefe
State: California

Case #47 Re: Tommy Linae Winn
State: California

Case #48 Re: Charles Martin
State: New Jersey

Case #49 Re: Alexander Costas
State: Florida

Case #50 Re: Mandy K. Alexander
State: Kansas

Case #51 Re: Robert Glenn Armfield
State: Illinois

Case #52 Re: Nicholas Markowitz
State: California

Case #53 Re: Arica Schneider
& Sam "Frost" Holley
State: New York

Case #54 Re: Dean M. Meade
State: CT

Case #55 Re: Sharon Thor
State: New Jersey

Case #56 Re: Brian Boothe
State: New York

Case #57 Re: Nicholas Eshoo
& Anthony Joseph DeJesus
State: Florida

Case #58 Re: Emily Jeanette Garcia
State: Texas

Case #59 Re: Robert Cruz
State: Arizona

Case #60 Re: Naomi Kidder
State: Wyoming

Case #61 Re: sean Eric Webb
State: Maryland

Case #62 Re: Brian August Rickmers
State: New Jersey

Case #63 Re: Janelle Johnson
State: Wyoming

Case #64 Re: Tammy Michelle Dively
State: Wyoming

Case #65 Re: Edward W. Peckham
State: Wyoming

Case #66 Re: Porter Randell Weed
State: Wyoming

Case #67 Re: Henry Melcher
State: Wyoming

Case #68 Re: Danny Moser
State: Wyoming

Case #69 Re: Raymond (Butch) E. Weed
State: Maine

Case #70 Re: Christopher B. Elser
State: MD

Case #71 Re: Nancy-Stewart-Hranko-Williams
State: Georgia

Case #72 Re: Anthony P. Agazio
State: Michigan

Case #73 Re: Jason Eric Stief
State: PA

Case #74 Re: Duane Obremski ***
State: Indiana

Case #75 Re: Michael Berrios
State: New York

Case #76 Re: Tina Louise Leone
State: Maryland

Case #77 Re: Rachael Koloroutis
State: Texas

Case #78 Re: Courtney Megan Coco
State: Louisiana

Case #79 Re: James Laskey Ramirez
State: California

Case #80 Re: Brittany Phillips
State: Oklahoma

Case #81 Re: Clifford D. Dillon
State: Nevada

Case #82 Re: Melissa Dawn Strickland
State: Arizona

Case #83 Re: Chris Fields
State: California

Case #84 Re: Glen Anthony Davenport
State: Florida

Case #85 Re: Brittany Danielle McGlone
State: Texas

Case #86 Re: Amanda Myrlene Fleetwood
State: Texas

To view the unsolved cases, click on the links above. To submit a case for inclusion on this page, send an email to natlpomc@aol.com along with as much of the information listed below as possible. Or you may mail it to the address listed at the bottom of this page.

If your case is unsolved and you would like to post the details surrounding the murder of your loved one on our web site in hopes of identifying the murderer or gaining additional information, please provide the following:

Victim's name and photograph if possible

Composite of murderer - if applicable

When the murder happened

Where the murder happened

How the murder happened

Clothing worn

Time of day

Manner of death

Any witnesses (if known)

Location (City, State, Street address)

If a car is involved, provide make, model, color, etc.

Any information from possible witnesses

Any facts as you know them.

Any additional information that you believe may be necessary to help identify the murderer.

Please be as specific as possible. You also need to send us articles to verify your information before we post your case on the web site.

You can send this information either by email, or by sending it to:

The National Organization of Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc.^®
100 East Eighth Street, Suite 202
Cincinnati, Ohio 45202

IMPORTANT :

Please provide a contact name along with a phone number so if/when any information is obtained from this web site, it can be sent or called in to you.

If you are a visitor to this site, and you have information on any of these cases, please provide the facts either by email, by calling National Headquarters at 1.888.818.POMC or by mailing the information to the National Organization of Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc.^®, 100 East Eighth Street, B-41, Cincinnati, Ohio, 45202. You can remain anonymous. When providing any information, always include the reference number .

If your loved one's case is solved, please let us know!

FacesOfTheMissing.org (5:00 am)

2007-07-29T05:03:00.001-04:00

This website offers some hope to dozens of missing children across America while also holding a place for honoring the memories of those that have been lost (including a few currently recorded on The Indiana Tenderness Trail). Also listed are individuals wanted as suspects in the disappearance/murder of these children. Over all it is a valuable resource for remember our lost.

~ Joanna

Hour 20

I feel like my baby niece must feel

when she tries to convince herself that

3 year olds really don't need sleep.

Reference: Faces of The Missing Homepage
(http://www.facesofthemissing.org)

Faces of the Missing
www.facesofthemissing.org

A Message from the webmaster...

Welcome to Faces of the Missing

Use the links at the left to access photos and links to posters at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children for Missing Teens (officially designated as Endangered Runaway), Endangered Missing, Missing, Family Abduction, and Stranger Abduction (officially designated as Non-Family Abduction) cases.
Wanted
The 'Wanted' link will take you to the page with pictures of people who have warrants issued for their arrest. Most of the people pictured on the page are wanted for Parental or Family Abduction. The links associated with each person will take you to the poster located at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children for the missing child associated with the abductor.
Deceased
The 'Deceased' page contains information about people who were reported missing and found deceased. Some of the people died from foul play, others died from accidents.

In all 'Deceased' cases the information is limited to a picture, name, year of death or reported disappearance, age, cause of death if known, and state where they lived. There are no post mortem photos on this site.

In the future I plan to write up individual articles regarding each person.

If you have a missing loved one you would like added to my site please use the email link to submit your request. Please include a picture, full name, age, date of disappearance, and state. Also, please indicate if this disappearance is an endangered missing, missing, family abduction or non-family abduction case type.
Thanks for visiting

Office for Victims of Crime (O.V.C) 4:30 am

2007-07-29T04:34:00.000-04:00

Although there is absolutely nothing that can bring back children lost to violence there are government funded programs for victims of crime through out the U.S. which can provide assistance with legal fees, grief counseling, etc. The Office for Victims of Crime offers information on such programs, designed to aid help those in need begin to heal.

~ Joanna

PS: Again my apologies for the short interruption in the series "Remembering Our Lost" as this belongs in the past section "Those Left Behind" This lack of sleep is quite possibly getting to me. :P

___________________________________________
Reference: Office for Victimes of Crime Homepage
(http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/)

The OVC home page was released on April 1, 1997. We will be continuously uploading new information, and encourage you to visit our site often!

The Office for Victims of Crime (OVC) was established by the 1984 Victims of Crime Act (VOCA) to oversee diverse programs that benefit victims of crime. OVC provides substantial funding to state victim assistance and compensation programs—the lifeline services that help victims to heal. The agency supports trainings designed to educate criminal justice and allied professionals regarding the rights and needs of crime victims. OVC also sponsors an annual event in April to commemorate National Crime Victims Rights Week (NCVRW). OVC is one of five bureaus and four offices with grant-making authority within the Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice.

Garden of Angels (4:00 am)

2007-07-29T04:00:00.001-04:00

The Garden of Angels provides a great service to those who have lost a child and it likewise honors the memory of children who've been lost to various circumstances, including those lost to violence.

~ Joanna

It gets lonely at 4AM...
or maybe its more of just a longing for sleep?

____________________________________________
Reference: Our Garden of Angels Inc. Homepage (http://www.ourgardenofangels.org/)

11271 Mossier Valley Road
Euless, Texas 76040
gardenofangelTX@aol.com (Email)

Our Garden of Angels was started originally at the place where the police discovered the body of Amy Robinson. I went to the place where Amy's body was found, and it was my thought that Amy should be remembered. It is due to the fact that I wanted her life to be remembered that I began the Garden of Angels.

One of the goals of the Garden of Angels is to keep the focus on the memory of the life of the person who was murdered. So often it is the perpetrator that is long recognized after the funeral and the victim in society is soon forgotten. I was not going to let that happen ever again to victims in our area. Our family members are going to be remembered!

Amy never liked to be alone, so the family of Vern Price put a cross for Vern next to Amy's. Also the family of Chad Houston put in a cross for him as well. The Garden of Angels then started to take on a life of its own. Others started to add their crosses. Soon, we had 27 crosses in our Garden.

Later, thanks to donations by several companies and individuals, the new Garden of Angels was built. A Construction gave us some land for this new Garden. Now we have 102 crosses. Each cross has its own "story" because all of these crosses are erected in memory of murder victims that have left this world too soon. These crosses also represent a family that will remember their loved ones always.

The trees in the Garden of Angels signify survivors whose life actions focus on stopping other tragic events from reoccuring. It is the goal of the Garden of Angels to take the tragic and then formulate a little magic. We are about kindness, hope for tomorrow, and helping others.

How wonderful it is that no one need wait a single day to make the world a better tomorrow. Please help us stop abuse and violence.

God Bless,
Carolyn Barker
Founder, Our Garden of Angels

Visit Amy Robinson's Memorial web site by clicking here.

Amber Hagerman... In memory of all abducted children (3:30 am)

2007-07-29T03:30:00.000-04:00

Whats unfortunate about the story below is that it took so many children, including young Amber Hagerman, before this type of collective effort was made. But, in the end, this is a perfect example of citizens working together to keep children safe within a community. Here are a few examples of success storiesin Indiana.

June 13, 2006
Terre Haute, Indiana
A 4-year-old boy and his 2-year-old brother were taken by their father at gunpoint and left in a stolen vehicle. Because of the violent abduction, an AMBER Alert was issued. A citizen saw the AMBER Alert on television, recognized the description of the vehicle by a lake, and notified authorities. When law enforcement arrived, they were able to safely recover the younger child. The suspect was apprehended.

April 26, 2006
Seymour, Indiana
A 2-year-old girl was abducted by her father after the man assaulted the child’s mother. Because of the violent abduction and the man’s threats to harm the child, an AMBER Alert was issued. A drive-through restaurant patron recognized the vehicle from the AMBER Alert and contacted authorities. Police arrived at the scene and the child was safely recovered.

Its important to remember that, although the Amber Plan is named after Amber Hagerman, this national program is dedicated to all children nationwide who’ve been abducted. ~ Joanna

_______________________________________________________
Reference: AMBER Alert Homepage (http://www.amberalert.gov/)
CodeAmber.org (http://codeamber.org/)

ABOUT AMBER HAGERMAN

In January 1996, nine-year-old Amber Hagerman was riding her bicycle on a warm Saturday afternoon when a neighbor heard the girl scream. The neighbor saw a man pull Amber off her bike, throw her into the front seat of his pickup truck, and drive away at a high speed.

The neighbor called police and provided a description of the suspect and his vehicle, but couldn’t recall much else. Arlington Police and the FBI interviewed other neighbors and searched for the suspect and vehicle. Local radio and TV stations covered the story in their regular newscasts.

Four days later, Amber’s body was found in a drainage ditch four miles away. Her throat had been cut. Her kidnapping and murder remain unsolved.

A concerned citizen contacted a Dallas area radio station, suggesting the idea that Dallas radio stations should repeat news bulletins about abducted children just like they do severe weather warnings.

The idea was presented to the Association of Radio Managers (ARM) composed of general managers of the major radio stations in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. The general managers agreed that such a program would provide an important public service and might help save the life of a child.

The Origin of the Amber PlanThe AMBER Plan was created in 1996 as a powerful legacy to 9-year-old Amber Hagerman. The tragedy shocked and outraged the entire community. Residents contacted radio stations in the Dallas area and suggested they broadcast special “alerts” over the airwaves so that they could help prevent such incidents in the future. In response to the community’s concern for the safety of local children, the Dallas/Fort Worth Association of Radio Managers teamed up with local law-enforcement agencies in northern Texas and developed this innovative early warning system to help find abducted children. Statistics show that, when abducted, a child’s greatest enemy is time.

In April, 2003, President Bush signed the Amber Alert legislation making it a national program. While the Amber Alert system is now mandated across the country, some states are still trying to implement the procedures necessary in bringing the alerts to the public. Hampered by outdated Emergency Broadcast guidelines and different activation criteria in each state, the system needs a fair amount of fine-tuning to be optimally effective. Code Amber is on the cutting edge with the technology helping to make that a reality.

IN MEMORY OF ALL ABDUCTED CHILDREN

Although the Amber Plan is named after Amber Hagerman, this national program is dedicated to all children nationwide who’ve been abducted.

How often does it happen? According to the U.S. Department of Justice, up to 4600 children are abducted by strangers every year (about 12 children nationwide every day).

Several families and friends of abducted children have established their own non-profit organizations or foundations with extensive websites to assist, support, and educate all parents and children, such as:

Laura Recovery Foundation
Polly Klaas Foundation

In addition, many Missing Child Organizations and State Missing Child Clearinghouses have websites that provide information and photos of other childen who are still missing or have been recently recovered.

The Amber Plan’s goal is the safe recovery of every abducted child.

Code Amber Amber Alert Statistics

The following statistics reflect Amber Alerts carried on the Code Amber Ticker since August, 2002. There have been several additional Amber Alerts that were resolved before the Code Amber system was activated. The alerts that are resolved quickly are the best case scenario. We would like all future Amber Alerts to end quickly with the child found safely and never have to activate the ticker again. Unfortunately, that is not going to happen anytime soon so we will be here for a while. Details of each of the Amber Alerts we have published are available on our Previous Amber Alerts page.

As of July 28, 2007:

Amber Alerts published by Code Amber:	456
Number of children involved:	541
Number of States issuing Alerts:	43
Number of Alerts resolved in a different state:	101
Percentage of Alerts resolved out of state:	22%
Number of Canadian Provinces:	5
Number of children still missing:	15
Number of children never coming home:	26
Number of female children:	317
Number of male children:	224
Number of African American children:	111
Number of Asian children:	8
Number of Caucasian children:	285
Number of Hispanic children:	132
Number of Native American children:	5

Note: Seven of the Amber Alerts listed as having been resolved in a different state were actually resolved in Mexico with the help of Mexican authorities. The above statistics do not include currently active Amber Alerts.

POMC Inc. Murder Wall...Honoring Their Memories (3:00 am)

2007-07-29T02:55:00.000-04:00

The Murder Wall of POMC is a place to remember and honor the many young lives lost to senseless violence. One example listed on the Murderwall is Kathleen Kohm, also listed on The Indiana Tenderness Trail.

The Indiana Tenderness Trail

#112. Kathleen Kohm

11 Years Old
October 9, 1969 to April 5, 1981

Kathy Kohm, of Santa Claus, Indiana, was the oldest of three children. She was a sweet, delicate, but strong girl. Kathy was very bright - nearly a "straight A" student.
She enjoyed sports of all kinds and was named MVP on her baseball team at the age of seven. Kathy was on the swim team and competed in various events. She won a lot of ribbons in the 50 freestyle event. She swam effortlessly and made it look so beautiful. She also enjoyed roller skating, ice skating, soccer and running.
Music was also important to Kathy. She loved the music from the musical Grease . Her cat, Tiger, was a love and joy to her.
Kathy had many friends. They all remember her fondly as the years have passed. They remember her as a peacemaker and good friend.
Kathy had received Jesus Christ into her heart. She was active in her church and the youth group. She had attended Mass with her family on the morning of the day she was abducted and murdered.
She was a good sister to her younger brothers, but she was the oldest, so she ruled. She would be proud to see her brothers as men. They are good people and have missed so much since Kathy was taken from their lives.
Kathy's potential was limitless. Her parents were so very proud of her and miss her so. Below is a poem Kathy wrote when she was nine-years-old.

Trees are the kindest things I know,
They do no harm, they simply grow.
And spread a shade for sleepy cows,
And gather birds among their boughs.
They give us fruit in leaves above,
And wood to make our house of.
And leaves to burn on Halloween,
And in the spring, new buds of green.

Kathy's family prays for her every day and hopes that her murderer will be prosecuted.
Kathy Kohm, 11, decided to go for a jog in her neighborhood in Santa Claus, Indiana, on April 5, 1981. When her family hadn't seem or heard from her for a couple of hours, they became concerned. After a short search, they called the town Marshall and an intense 10-week search by friends, neighbors and police ensued. On June 11, in a wooded area one mile from her home, Kathy's decomposed body was found with her underpants in her pocket and a bullet in her head. A private detective found an important clue, and a man who was a firefighter and part-time resident of Santa Claus was named a suspect. The evidence was considered circumstantial, and no charges have ever been filed against him.
However, Stanton Gash was found liable for Kathy's murder in a civil trial. He was ordered to pay $5,000 because in Indiana, a child is considered property. He now lives in Clearwater, Florida.

~ Joanna

Reference: POMC Homepage (http://www.pomc.com/murderwall.cfm)

Murder Wall...Honoring Their Memories

The Murder Wall was created in 1987 by Nancy Ruhe-Munch, Executive Director of the National Organization, and designed by Ann Reed, a parent/survivor and member of POMC. Originally known as the Memorial Wall, the named was changed to the Murder Wall...Honoring Their Memories in 1995.

The Murder Wall...Honoring Their Memories is a traveling tribute honoring the memory of all murdered loved ones. The growing Wall carries the names of murder victims on engraved, solid walnut plaques. Each plaque contains 120 names, dates of birth and dates of death. Approximately 250 names are added each year. If you are interested in purchasing a plaque for a loved one, please click here to print out the order form. The cost to have a loved one's name inscribed on a plaque on the Murder Wall is $50.00.

" We always know the name of the offender, but we seldom ever see or know the name of the victim. The Murder Wall is a strong and loving reminder, not only of my husband Monte, but of all those who die by violence in our country." - Sharon Tewksbury, West Chester, Ohio

Memorial booklets are compiled to accompany each panel of the Wall. The booklets contain the stories and/or photos of those who are memorialized on the Wall.

Each person is allotted one (1) page, front and back (per loved one). A photo may also be included, but it is limited to wallet size only . We will not be able to return photographs.

If you would like the story and/or photo of your loved one included in the Memorial booklets and on the POMC website, please fill out the form and return it to National POMC, 100 E. 8th St., Suite 202, Cincinnati, Ohio, 45202.

The cost is $15.00 for one page, front and back without photo, or $20.00 if you wish to have a photo included. Visa and MasterCard are accepted. POMC will edit information as needed. A copy of the completed page will be sent to you.

Please allow up to six months to process.

If you do not know which panel your loved one is on, you may search using an alphabetical listing by last name.

National Center for Children Exposed to Violence (2:30 am)

2007-07-29T02:27:00.000-04:00

The National Center for Children Exposed to Violence offers a sound place for learning about how we can prevent the further damadge to children exposed to violence as well as how to prevent it. This is an important resource in the learning to fight this battle.

~ Joanna

PS: This belongs in the section of this blog labeled "Behind Closed Doors". Somehow, for some reason, it wasn't place there? I apologize for any confusion due to this slight interruption of the current section "Remembering the Lost".

Reference: National Center for Children Exposted to Violence Homepage
(http://www.nccev.org/)

It is the mission of the National Center for Children Exposed to Violence (NCCEV) to increase the capacity of individuals and communities to reduce the incidence and impact of violence on children and families; to train and support the professionals who provide intervention and treatment to children and families affected by violence; and, to increase professional and public awareness of the effects of violence on children, families, communities and society.

The NCCEV serves as:

A primary national resource center for anyone seeking information about the effects of violence exposure on children and initiatives addressing these issues, including a dynamic body of literature, Internet resources and a bibliographic database
A provider of training, technical assistance and consultation to the Child Development-Community Policing Program (CD-CP) replication sites, Safe Start Initiative and other collaborative community programs nationwide that respond to children and families exposed to violence
A national forum for exploring issues surrounding children's exposure to violence, that utilizes a select team of recognized experts representing many related fields who provide a strong voice for the needs of children and families
A partner in national collaborations across the country in urban, suburban and rural areas, including 16 CD-CP replication sites, 11 Safe Start Initiative sites and 15 Safe Start Phase Two sites. These collaborations help to promote best practices in the area of children exposed to violence and trauma. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network covering 54 treatment centers across the US, are listed as well.

Our services include the following:

An easily accessible and comprehensive Resource Center for current and historic information about children and violence
Training, technical assistance and consultation to a variety of collaborative community programs throughout the country that respond to children and families exposed to violence, including the Child Development-Community Policing Program (CD-CP), the School Crisis Response Initiative, and the Safe Start Initiative.
A wide range of specialized interventions and services, through CD-CP sites replicated nationwide, offering comprehensive responses to children and families exposed to violence
Responses to inquiries for information, including best and promising practices for programs related to children exposed to violence

Bereaved Parents of the USA Organization (2:00 am)

2007-07-29T02:00:00.000-04:00

"Together we celebrate the lives of our children,
share the joys and the triumphs
as well as the love that will never fade."

This organization is another positive example of people working together to begin to emotionally recover from the heartache of losing a child. Whether it be from physical sickness or from violence, these people offer eachother a place to start the journey towards healing.

~ Joanna

Resource: Bereaved Parents of the USA Homepage
(http://bereavedparentsusa.org/)
___________________________________________

National Office Post Office Box 95 Park Forest, IL 60466 (708) 748-7866

About Bereaved Parents of the USA
Bereaved Parents of the USA (BP/USA) was founded in 1995 by a group of bereaved parents from across the country. Their sole purpose for organizing this group was to offer support, understanding, encouragement and hope to other bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents after the death of their children, brother, sister or grandchildren. This purpose remains the thrust of BP/USA today.

Bereaved Parents of the USA is governed by a Board of Directors comprised of seven members, being elected by the chapter members. All work within the BP/USA organization on both the national and local chapters level is done by volunteer bereaved parents. There are no paid salaries within BP/USA

The goals of BP/USA

Offer support, understanding, encouragement and hope to bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents.
Aid and support those who are suffering the loss of a child, brother, sister or grandchild regardless of race, creed or financial status.
Educate families about the grief process in all its complexities pertaining to the death of a child at any age and from any cause.
Provide telephone numbers and email addresses of other bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents who are able to offer support to other more newly bereaved families.
Help organize new chapters of BP/USA that may offer assistance to their local bereaved families.
Hold monthly chapter meetings where sharing, support and encouragement can be provided.
Maintain lending libraries at chapter meetings with helpful books on grief and rebuilding one’s life.
Provide a National Newsletter and individual chapter newsletters to aid with grief work.
Provide an Annual Gathering where helpful speakers, workshops, sharing sessions and much more will be provided.
Inform and educate professionals, friends, employers, co-workers, clergy and others on the nature and duration of parental, sibling and grandparent grief.

BP/USA is Non-Denominational
Bereaved Parents of the USA encompasses no religious creed. Members are free, however, to state their religious beliefs and the role those beliefs have played in their life and grief journeys.

Funding
BP/USA is a non-profit self-help support group with 501(c) (3) IRS status. Both our national organization and are local chapters are supported solely by volunteer donations. There are no dues or fees charged to belong to BP/USA. We have all already paid the ultimate price to qualify for membership in this group: the death of our precious children. The national organization does not charge its chapters yearly fees. BP/USA believes that when its chapters are able, those chapters will support their national organization with donations. All gifts to BP/USA are tax deductions to the extent permitted by the Internal Revenue under the provisions of 501(c) (3).

Bereaved Parents of the USA Credo
We are the parents whose children have died. We are the grandparents who have buried grandchildren. We are the siblings whose brothers and sisters no longer walk with us through life.

We come together as Bereaved Parents of the USA to provide a haven where all bereaved families can meet and share our long and arduous grief journey.

We attend month gatherings whenever we can and for as long as we believe necessary. We share our fears, confusion, anger guilt, frustrations, emptiness and feelings of hopelessness, so that hope can be found anew. As we accept, support, comfort and encourage each other, we demonstrate to each other that survival is possible.

Together we celebrate the lives of our children, share the joys and the triumphs as well as the love that will never fade. Together we learn how little it matters where we live, what our color or our affluence is or what faith we uphold as we confront the tragedies of our children’s deaths.

Together, strengthened by the bonds we forge at our gatherings, we offer what we have learned from each other to every more recently bereaved family.

We are the Bereaved Parents of the USA.
We welcome you.

The Compassionate Friends (1:30 am)

2007-07-29T01:30:00.000-04:00

"Energy that has been directed inward
begins to flow outward
and both are helped to heal."

I thought I'd post this website - a resource for parents who are grieving recently lost children. The message is quite positive despite the pain that drives it's existence.

~ Joanna

Reference: http://thecompassionatefriends.org/

The Compassionate Friends, Inc.
P. O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
Toll-free: 877-969-0010
PH: 630-990-0010
FAX: 630-990-0246

Grief Support After the Death of a Child

The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.

The Compassionate Friends is a national nonprofit, self-help support organization that offers friendship, understanding, and hope to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. There is no religious affiliation and there are no membership dues or fees.

The secret of TCF's success is simple: As seasoned grievers reach out to the newly bereaved, energy that has been directed inward begins to flow outward and both are helped to heal. The vision of The Compassionate Friends is that everyone who needs us will find us and everyone who finds us will be helped.

Author, Kathleen O'Hara (1:00 am)

2007-07-29T01:00:00.000-04:00

Kathleen O'Hara, author of "A Grief Like No Other", shares with us the loss of her own son in the story below. She explains in her writing the life-long process of recovery that families are faced with after a child is murdered.

~ Joanna

Reference: http://www.kathleenohara.com/

"Make Me Worthy of My Suffering"
~Nietzsche

What human being has not experienced loss and grief? Living and dying are natural experiences of our existence. We talk about living, but rarely do we mention dying. We are naturally fearful and avoid thinking or talking about it.

Yet we live in a culture which faces death all the time. Random violence, terrorism, annihilation are in the news and fear of these things seem to be ever present. Perhaps if we had more open discussions about our fears of death and dying, we would be more prepared for grief and loss.

Grief is often unexplored territory. We don't know what to say or how act around a grieving person. We are uncomfortable talking about the death or loss. We allow the person or ourselves a certain amount of time for grieving and then expect everyone, including ourselves to "get over it", or "move on."

When Americans were asked how long people should mourn, the answer was three days.

THREE DAYS!? Is this what we ask of ourselves and others? Seems incredulous, doesn't it?

I have been a counselor since 1993 and before that, a practitioner and teacher of meditation. I had studied many forms of spirituality and was building a good foundation of faith.

However in 1999, I experienced the loss of my eldest son Aaron, which was something I could not possibly imagine, would ever happen.

Aaron and his roommate Brian were students at the Franciscan University in Steubenville , Ohio . They just moved off campus in the beginning of May into a house so they could take summer classes

On Memorial Day, 1999 their house was broken into and they were beaten, kidnapped, tortured, taken to the woods in Pennsylvania and shot to death. We did not find them for five days. Their bodies were found under two white wild rose bushes.

To say that this was an awful experience is too trivial. There are few words to explain what happened.

It was as if a storm crashed into the shore on which I lived and shattered my life into a thousand pieces. My landscape and everything I knew changed in an instant. I could feel the crashing, over and over again. My two younger children Anna and Michael and I were plunged into a grief like no other, a dark ocean that we had to cross or else we would perish.

We were in shock, sick, disgusted, in disbelief that any human being could do that to another.

The first year was a nightmare. It was as though the unseen torturers were always nearby, waiting to beat me up. Every day they would arrive with their hammers and bats and I would feel the pain over and over. I would try to hide and I could not. I learned to get through the daily beatings, crying and waiting for it to pass. I had to learn to roll with the waves and not resist because I knew they would eventually pass and I would lay there drained. And then I would sleep.

Any one who has lost a child or someone close to them knows what I am talking about. There are so many questions, but no answers. I had to learn to stop asking and begin to learn acceptance. This is the time when support from family and friends is so important.

This was the time I needed the faith and the strength I had been building on in the past. If it wouldn't serve me then, what good was it? Was it real?

This, of course, has been an on going struggle. Grief has many layers; it is a lifetime process because it changes us in fundamental ways we can not possibly realize.

The question is how we will handle our suffering. Will we allow it to change us, make us more compassionate or will it destroy us?

Nietche says: "Lord, make me worthy of my suffering."

This is not something we are used to. After all, who wants to suffer? Most of us go to great lengths to avoid it and therefore have few, if any skills to do its hard work.

But the truth is that life often brings us suffering, so how then we will handle it? Will we allow it to destroy or transform us?

After Aaron's murder, I had to answer these questions for myself. How would I not only survive, but learn to live again? How would I allow this awful experience to transform rather than destroy me and how would I ever learn how to be worthy of my suffering?

In the beginning of my journey, I didn't have any answers, but in the seven years that followed, I learned to use some of things I knew and put them to the test, would they work?

St. Paul , in his letter to the Corinthians, says "All things work together for the good, for those who love God."

This was my mantra as the days and years unfolded after Aaron's death. While I saw such ugliness in his murder and at the trial of his killers, I looked and really saw the beauty that co-exists right along with all the terrible things that go on in our suffering world.

And I saw the beautiful things that came out of his death. His death transformed many of his friends and strangers too. I was told stories of finding faith and strength in the darkness because of Aaron. Joyful things happened, and I had to learn to laugh along with the sorrow, expressing gratitude for the good things in the middle of sadness and grief.

Today, I have a very deep and close relationship with Aaron. I have had to accept the fact that while I miss him so much and would do anything to see him again, he is still there, in a different form.

A few months after Aaron died; I was at the New Jersey shore, sitting on the beach thinking of him. I felt him sitting next to me and could see his image as if he were really there.

I started to cry and he said. "Mom, I'm so happy.

I said, "Son, how could you be happy without us?"

Aaron said "But I am mom, I'm so happy!"

"You'll be all right." he said and with that he touched my shoulder and left.

I knew he was happy where he was and that I would be all right.

In honor of Aaron's memory I have written A Grief Like No Other to help those of us who have experienced the violent death of someone we love and for those of you who are friends of someone who has.

I developed a seven stage method which came directly out of my experience and that of many others whom I have spoken to.

The Seven Stages are:

Stage One: The Journey Begns: Telling Your Story

Stage Two: Life Preservers: Discovering the Eight Qualities

Stage Three: Lighthouses in the Harbor: Finding Guidance and Resources

Stage Four: The Ocean of Grief : Learning to Ride the Waves

Stage Five: Out in the Deep: Practicing the Three Principles

Stage Six: The Coral Reef: Generating Creativity

Stage Seven: The New World : Emerging Possibilities

Inside the pages of this book you will find practical ways of dealing with grief. You will find inspiration and help and the very real experiences of others who have made the journey before you.

I will share with you how I learned to allow suffering to transform rather than destroy. How to tell and write your story, how to develop the eight qualities you will need to cross the ocean-and many other tools which will help you make your journey.

It is written with those of you who have lost someone to violence, but also for those who want advice on how to help friends and colleagues who have experienced loss. It will help educators, therapists and professionals who want to understand and help others whom they work with.

This book does not dwell on the horror of violence, but offers hope, compassion and a way to make the journey to a new life. My hope is that this book will help you find the strength to go on and live life even in the shadow of your loss. There is a new shore waiting for you, you may not see it now, but it is there.

Blessings on you and yours.

Please write and share your experience or story with me at keohara@aol.com .

"GRIEF", written by Debbie Wiley (12:30 am)

2007-07-29T00:30:00.000-04:00

In the essay below we are again taken in by the words of Debbie Wiley (Founder of MOMS). She takes us further into the despair of losing her son, all the while shedding light on the strength of her spirit and that of those who suffer as she has and does.

~ Joanna

Reference: http://moms.memorial-of-love.net/

GRIEF

Someone you love has been murdered, or was killed by a drunk or reckless driver. It is an understatement to say that your life has been changed. Your anger and pain are deep, and it will take a great deal of hard work and time to recover. You may never feel as if you have “recovered.” It may be difficult to believe now, but many persons who have been in your situation learn to “manage their grief” you will need time, determination, and the support of a caring listener.(it is very important to be able to speak with someone freely, without judgment, about your child, your feelings and about your child's death. It took me almost a year before I could really manage my grief. You take it one day at a time and one day you will realize you have gone a couple of hours or a half day and then a day without breaking down.)

THE MOST COMMON FEELINGS OF GRIEF

In the beginning most people feel a profound numbness. Some say it is like “being in a fog.” It may be this fog that allows you to accomplish the necessary arrangements for the funeral and other duties.

TURMOIL

Thank God for this fog because when the fog clears your feelings fall into turmoil. You may have flashbacks of the moment you were notified of your loved one’s death, or of the last time you saw your loved one alive. You may visualize how your loved one died and if they suffered. You may deny that your loved one really is dead and that he or she will soon “walk through that door.”I would have nightmares of my son being shot in the head over and over and I would pray that God did not let him suffer. Even after eighteen months, I still have a hard time accepting that my child is dead and he will not be coming home anymore. In a way I think that is how I chose to deal with Phillip's death, just never accept it.

You may experience grief spasms, crying as if you couldn’t stop. The spasms gradually will come further apart. You may have panic attacks. You may be restless and unable to concentrate on anything. You may be unable to sleep at night or find it very hard to get out of bed in the morning. For the first several months you cannot control your crying, its going to happen and you have no control over the place or time. I took medication to help me sleep and for panic attacks. I developed a fear of being out by myself. My husband drives everywhere. This has been the case until recently and I am trying to conquer this fear.

As the reality of death sinks in, depression is usually not far behind. The world may seem to lose its meaning for you. Activities that you once enjoyed may seem like a burden, or you may stop all activities that you once enjoyed. You may feel as if there is little point in going on, or you may want to withdraw from everyone.Your life has changed, your mind is occupied only with thoughts of your child. You probably will not have the energy or the interest in activities. You cannot stand the thought of enjoying anything, your child has been murdered.

During all of these emotions and phases, you need to talk with someone that will listen with a non-judgmental ear. Talking helps keep you from getting stuck in one of the phases. I can not stress the importance of having someone to talk openly with.

SEARCHING FOR UNDERSTANDING

You will probably experience a great need to understand why this tragedy happened. In your search for understanding, you may feel the need to know everything there is to know about what happened, where it happened and who did it. If someone is arrested, you may want to know as much as you can find out about the person. I searched and saved every article that was in the paper. I needed to know every detail that surrounded my son's death. I posted my child's picture in every memorial I could find. For the first several months all my husband and I talked about was "how did this happen"? Why was this man out on probation when he should have been serving a 10 year sentence? How did he get his gun with a felony record. I wanted everyone (and still do) from the Judge, who gave the probation, to the murderer who commited the crime, to the detectives that gave out false reports to the newspapers that it was a professional hit, it was drug related etc. to pay for the death of my son.

You may expect the criminal justice system to work more quickly and keep you informed better than it does.

Rumors and opinions of many people may come your way concerning the crime, motivation and the criminal. You may decide to attend the trial, if there is one, as part of your search for why this happened. Oftentimes you will not find answers to all of your questions. If a survivor is a witness at the trial, he or she may not be able to attend the trial prior to giving testimony. You can ask the county or district attorney handling the case for information on this.

GUILT

Each survivor lives with “what-ifs.” “Why did I let her go home along?” “What if I had been there with him?” This is a normal reaction. Please remember that no one can predict the future or recreate what might have been. We can’t change the events that took place, and to continue blaming ourselves will only be destructive to yourself and those around you.

I have yet to go one day without guilt, not necessarily guilt from what happened to my son but just guilt for anything over the years. Maybe I feel guilt over being to strict or maybe guilt over spending more on his brother etc. etc. Things will come back to me and I will think why didn't I handle that differently. Only parent who has lost a child understands. To have a day without guilt is a good day.

ANGER

Anger can be both frightening and motivation. Sometimes it may feel as if anger will overwhelm you. It may be directed at the murdered, society, the criminal justice system, family members or friends. It is not uncommon to be angry at God. Many people feel guilty about their anger, but it is a completely normal feeling that many people experience.

Anger may immobilize you or move you to relentless activity. It is a natural reaction to severe loss. Your anger may never completely go away. With time and support, your anger can be managed and may even contribute to helping you gain back some control in your life.

REVENGE

For the first time in their lives, many survivors find themselves thinking of ways to kill another human being, the person responsible for the death of your loved one. Understandably, some people are deeply disturbed by their emotion. You may wonder if you are losing your mind. You aren’t. You are normal. Counselors of survivors find that almost every person they work with thinks about revenge. Having these feelings does not mean you are going to act on them.

Some people will tell you that wanting revenge is unhealthy and that the only way you can find peace is to forgive. If forgiveness is in your heart, fine, but do not allow people to place unnecessary guilt on you. Chances are they have never been through what you are experiencing.

FAMILY

When a family member is a victim of a homicide not all families become closer in the aftermath of the death. It is not unusual for counselors to see families separate, both physically and emotionally. At this time, communication is very important. Work hard to express your feelings within the family and with supportive friends.

FRIENDS

When you hurt, you turn to people who have always been there, your friends. But where are they a month, six months or a year after the murder? Often, they have gone back to their lives, but you still need to talk. Many times friends don’t know how to react and feel that steering away from mentioning the victim is the best way to handle the situation Wrong this is not the best way to handle the situation. We always need to talk about our children.

If you bring up the homicide, some people will change the subject. Many people do not want to listen the details of the tragedy, even though survivors often need to talk about details. People often can’t bring themselves to talk about homicide. They may feel they do not have the words to say or the ability to listen. They may feel hopelessly inadequate. And the loss of your loved one probably hit them with stark reality. If it happened to you, it could happen to them.

You may notice that people you have known for years avoid you on the street or in a store. Your co-workers may avert their eyes and “not see you” they usually have no idea that this feels like rejection and only adds to your grief. This hurts terribly when people you have known for years avoid you because you have lost a child. What are you suppose to do act like you never had a child. I am very proud of my child and always will be even if he is no longer on this earth.

You can face this problem in various ways. You can write these friends off and stop seeing them. You can continue contact but avoid the subject you most need to discuss. You can raise the issue directly with your friends, which may allow you to deal openly and honestly with each other. You can add to your circle of friends other people who have lost loved ones or who are willing to share your experience.. Many people are ready to respond when they understand how important it is to talk with you about the experience rather than avoid it. I found that true friends listen to you no matter how often you talk about your child, because they understand and they care about you. Many community hospitals have grief support groups for family members who have lost someone they love. Not all members of these groups have lost a loved one to violence, but nonetheless feel the pain, shock, guilt and anger that you are experiencing. Consider joining a grief support group.

COPING WITH HOLIDAYS

The first time you celebrate a holiday after a death, it may become a nightmare. Holiday gifts that once were ripped open immediately may set for days. Thanksgiving is hollow. “What do I have to be thankful for?” is a common reaction for the survivor. New Year’s Day and birthdays, which celebrate another year of life become reminders of death.

You may find the need to develop new traditions. For some, a trip out of town at holiday-time may be beneficial. A birthday can be observed by donating to a charitable organization or doing something that is meaningful to you. Sometimes being with other family members and talking together about the good times experienced in the past can be a source of strength. There is no rule to follow on how to “get through” a holiday. You will grieve. Allow yourself to grieve. It’s all part of the healing process.

EPILOGUE

Your life has changed. You will see things differently now. You may never again want to watch violence portrayed on TV. You may have to struggle with new or stronger prejudices for the rest of your life. You may feel irritated by “the little things” in life. Or, incidents that once seemed to be a catastrophe will be only minor aggravations because you have already survived the worst.

Your faith may be shaken. You may find it impossible to trust strangers. You may feel that laws you thought were designed to protect you are really designed to protect criminals. You may wonder if the victim has any rights. Most survivors heal slowly. Meaning comes back into their daily activities. The find people to stand by them and give them support. Some find sensitivity for others they never experienced before. Most find joy in the treasured memories of their loved ones. Many join others who want to carry on the vigil for all of those who have died as the result of violence.

Written by Debbie Wiley

ARTICLE: "A Grief Like No Other" (12 Midnight)

2007-07-29T00:01:00.001-04:00

"During the past twenty-five years hundreds of articles
in psychiatric journals have examined the homicidal mind.
Fewer than a dozen have explored how a homicide affects
the victim's family."
_____________________________________
Eric Schlosser, the writer of the Atlantic Monthly article "A Grief Like No Other" spent over 1 1/2 years writing the story of the impact of homicide on families. He focused most of his attention on the Kansas City Chapter of Parents of Murdered Children and exhibited a depth of compassion and understanding that is rare today. In addition he has continued to stay in contact with the Smith's to see where they stand in their continued fight for justice. The Atlantic Monthly Editors are also to be commended for their sponsoring such a story. It is the longest article this magazine has ever published in over 100 years of publication.

I would paste the article in its entirety below, but its over 50 pages long on an HTML page I found available online. However if you're interested in reading it its also available in a PDF version here:
www.geocities.com/pomc_il/Articles/grief.pdf

~ Joanna

Hour 15!

Reference: http://www.theatlantic.com/issues/97sep/grief.htm

September 2004

Americans are fascinated by murders and murderers but
not by the families of the people who are killed -- an amazingly numerous group, whose members can turn only to one another for sympathy and understanding

by Eric Schlosser

On the first Friday evening of every month thirty to forty men and women gather at Our Lady of Sorrows Church in Kansas City, Missouri. They meet in the parish hall, a low modern building not far from the headquarters of the Hallmark Cards corporation. They bring cookies and sodas, newsletters, notebooks, and photographs of their children. They sit in folding chairs around two large banquet tables. They are white, African- American, and Latino, middle-class and working-class, a cross-section of midwesterners. From all appearances this could be a session of the local PTA or of a church group planning its next book fair. The meeting opens with everybody explaining, one by one, why he or she has come. Each story seems more poignant and more horrific than the last. This is the monthly gathering of Parents of Murdered Children, Kansas City chapter, a support group for the relatives and friends of homicide victims. A hand- stitched quilt on the wall has the photographic image of a different face in every square -- mostly young men and women, innocent, full of promise, unaware of their impending fate. The quilt seems as American in its own way as the violence that brought these families to this room.

The fear of murder has grown so enormous in the United States that it leaves a taint, like the mark of Cain, on everyone murder touches. One might expect that the families of murder victims would be showered with sympathy and support, embraced by their communities. But in reality they are far more likely to feel isolated, fearful, and ashamed, overwhelmed by grief and guilt, angry at the criminal-justice system, and shunned by their old friends. America's fascination with murder has not yet extended to its aftermath. As a result, the victims' survivors must seek comfort from one another. Throughout the country hundreds of support groups like the one in Kansas City meet every month. The amount of bloodshed in the United States is difficult to comprehend, like the carnage of a shadowy, undeclared civil war. During the past two decades nearly half a million Americans have been murdered, and an additional 2.5 million have been wounded by gunfire -- more casualties than the U.S. military has suffered in all the wars of the past 200 years

The murder rate in the United States (the number of people killed each year per 100,000) has been declining since 1993, most dramatically in New York City. Nevertheless, it is still extraordinarily high compared with the rate in Western Europe or even in the United States of just a generation ago. After years of diminishing violence in the 1950s, a murder wave began to engulf the United States around 1960. By the late 1970s the U.S. murder rate had doubled, reaching an all-time high in 1980. Since then it has fallen slightly, climbed a bit, and dropped again. The U.S. murder rate today is roughly the same as it was in 1989 -- eight homicides per 100,000. About 70 percent of the murders in America are committed with a firearm. About 90 percent are committed by men. The murder rate among men of all ages in the United States is approximately five times as high as the rate among men in Canada, eleven times as high as the rate among men in Germany, and twenty times as high as the rate among men in Ireland or Japan. The murder rate among young men inthe United States, aged fifteen to twenty-four, has roughly tripled since 1960. It is now about thirty-five times as high as the murder rate among men of the same age in England.

The increase in the U.S. murder rate has been accompanied over the past few decades by a rising incidence of crimes once considered rare. Mass murders, serial murders, and murders committed by strangers have become more commonplace. A mass murderer kills a number of victims at one time and often then commits suicide. A serial murderer kills a number of victims over an extended period and tries to avoid capture. After studying old newspaper articles and police reports, Ronald M. Holmes, a professor of justice administration at the University of Louisville, concluded that there were fewer than twenty mass murders in the United States from 1950 to 1960. Holmes says that three or four mass murders are now committed every month. Eric W. Hickey is a professor of criminology at California State University at Fresno, and an expert on serial murder. According to his count, there were about nineteen serial killers in the United States during the 1950s -- and about 114 during the 1980s. Various estimates place the number of serial killers at large in the United States today at thirty-five to 200.

Instead of producing widespread revulsion toward violence, or mass demonstrations, or an "anti-war" movement against the daily slaughter, America's murder rate has inspired an altogether different response: a culture of murder, with the murderer at its core. Edgar Allan Poe invented the detective story more than 150 years ago, with the publication of "The Murders in the Rue Morgue," and tabloids have always relied on crime stories to lure readers. But only in recent years has the serial killer become a national icon, endlessly portrayed in movies, books, and popular music. The first mainstream Hollywood "slasher" film, Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, was released in 1960, as America's murder rate began to climb. Six years later In Cold Blood, Truman Capote's nonfiction tale of murder, was published to great acclaim. Both works were inspired by real murderers; both created whole new genres; and both continue to be widely imitated by lesser talents. The slasher film and the nonfiction murder tale share a fundamental premise: the killer is the protagonist.

Since 1966 hundreds of books have been published that follow murderers along their paths of destruction. Every serial killer, it seems, now has a biographer or two. And yet just a handful of books have looked at murder from the victim's perspective. Slasher films are even less likely than their literary counterparts to address the plight of the victim. Indeed, a slasher film's plot, characterization, and internal logic are far less important to the audience than the methods and choreography of its murders. Comedy plays a large role in the genre, with humorous crime-scene details and serial killers tossing off one-liners.

Even academic elites are drawn to the figure of the murderer, which has long been a focus of attention for psychiatrists, sociologists, and criminologists. A vast amount of research has been conducted on murderers in order to predict their violent behavior, understand their social context, restrain them, rehabilitate them, and promote their moral and spiritual reform. During the past twenty-five years hundreds of articles in psychiatric journals have examined the homicidal mind. Fewer than a dozen have explored how a homicide affects the victim's
family.

In a study of murder in Romantic literature the theater scholar Laurence Senelick used a phrase, "the prestige of evil," that goes a long way toward explaining why our culture has become obsessed with the murderer while ignoring the victim. The murderer is a powerful figure who dares to violate the central tenet of almost every human society: Thou shalt not kill. "There's no greater feeling of power on earth," a former gang member once confided, "than what it feels like to take another person's life." Most serial killers are impelled by a craving for power, by a desire for the sort of control over life and death that is usually attributed to God. When the murderer is the protagonist of a story, we can vicariously experience that power. The victim is a defeated soul, a loser in this contest of strength. Perhaps it is easier to identify with the murderer. To do otherwise means choosing the side of the powerless -- and confronting some unsettling truths.

Almost twenty years ago Lucy N. Friedman, the director of the Victim Services Agency, in New York City, helped to organize one of the nation's first support groups for the families of murder victims. Friedman says that the survivors of murder victims are often treated like pariahs, avoided like a source of bad luck. They feel cursed. Even the counselors who work with survivors come to feel stigmatized by their jobs. What they have learned contradicts the way the rest of us would like to view the world. We want to maintain an illusion of safety, Friedman says; we want to believe that the children of good parents will never be harmed. Our refusal to acknowledge the plight of murder victims and their survivors is a dangerous form of denial -- a flight from reality that allows lethal violence to flourish.

More than anything else, the relatives of murder victims need to be heard. The stories of a few survivors in Kansas City give a sense of what murder in America really is and what it does. Kansas City is by no means the murder capital of the USA. It is a midsize city in the middle of the country with a level of violence comparable to that of many other urban areas. The aftermath of homicide in Kansas City is emblematic of what ordinary men and women are experiencing every day throughout the United States. A culture of murder now surrounds us, like a dark, poisonous fog. By looking at the victims of murder and listening to their survivors, we may find a way out.

Impact Statement, Written by Debbie Wiley (11:30 pm)

2007-07-28T23:39:00.000-04:00

Below are the courageous words of Debbie Wiley, founder of MOMS. Her experience is a powerful example of the injustice that survivors of homicide are often faced with.

~ Joanna

Reference: MOMS Homepage (http://moms.memorial-of-love.net/)

IMPACT STATEMENT
Written by Debbie Wiley
Founder of MOMS
________________________________

My impact statement as I wrote it:

My name is Debbie Wiley and I am the mother of Phillip Ray Dover.

On February 18, 1967, my son was placed in my arms for the first time, just minutes after he took his first breath. He was so precious, his face so flawless, his skin so soft and I whispered I love you son for the first time.

On October 19, 1998, I was led to a cold table where my beautiful son lay, this time his face was not flawless, his skin was not soft only cold very cold. And I whispered I love you son for the last time.

I’ve tried to find the words to tell you how Phillip’s murder has impacted my life, but there are no adequate words to describe the pain, anger and despair that I’ve felt from his murder. Phillip’s murder took everything from me. It took my security and my innocence; it took my rest and my peace. I have lost my faith and trust in people. I have trouble finding joy in the simple pleasures of life. Being “happy” doesn’t seem “right” anymore. Sometimes the feeling of despair becomes so overwhelming, so oppressive, that it literally takes my breath away. I never know what sound or what sight is going to trigger in my mind a memory. And while the memories of Phillip are so sweet, with them comes the realization that he is gone.And each time that realization hits my heart it is devastating.

Phillip was my son, my firstborn son and he did not deserve to be so cruelly taken. I do not deserve to have to live the rest of my life with this pain and without my child. Phillip was a loving, giving young man with a heart as big as the world. His murder took a father, son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin and friend who was greatly loved. In the last four years I have watched as my family has struggled with their pain, anger and grief. I’ve watched as Phillip’s youngest brother and his wife have a son with out his big brother there to be part of the joy. Phillip should be here to be the doting uncle for his new nephew. I’ve watched as my other son struggled with the joy of being able to escort Phillip’s daughter to the Miss Teenage Pageant, but the pain of knowing the reason her father was not there. I’ve watched as my husband struggles with the anger he feels from the lack of justice that put Timothy Carl Dawson back on the street when he should have still been in jail. This man takes our Phillip’s life and we can do nothing but wait. Timothy Carl Dawson took from my granddaughters a loving father and friend, since their father’s death they’ve had emotional problems which have resulted with problems in school and problems in family life. Their world has been shattered; they have lost some of their innocence. They are now painfully aware that there is violence and evil in this world. Phillip had a good job that he enjoyed and was doing very well, he was 31 and talking of buying a house and getting ready to fight the young guys away from his twin daughters. His life was finally coming together as he wanted. He used to say “now if I could just find a good woman that would put up with me I would be totally happy”. But I will never get to meet that daughter in law, never get to share in their joy of having children. Phillip will never see his daughters graduate from school, get married or be there at the birth of his grandchildren. What the future would have held for Phillip is unknown, he may never have made a bigger impact on this world that he had at the time of his death, that we will never know, but to the people who know and love Phillip the impact he made on our lives is immeasurable and we cry out at the injustice caused by this man. Phillip was a good, honest man. He would give you his last dollar if you needed it. He was compassionate, caring and loving. He cared about people. He never judged anyone because of the color of their skin, religion or bank account. Phillip has so many friends who miss him terribly. Phillip enjoyed life, and he enjoyed living life, he enjoyed the outdoors, hunting, fishing, but his passion was reading and sports. His favorite sport was football. It was his passion for football that led him to the Hilton Hotel on October 18, 1998. But most of all Phillip loved LIFE. What has kept me focused since Phillip’s murder is the promise I made to my son when I saw him laid out on that cold table at the funeral home. I promised him that whomever did this to him would pay and now I pass that promise on to you. It is up to the court to decide Timothy Dawson’s sentence and although there will never be justice for Phillip, I beg of the court for Phillip’s sake, for his family, and for myself, to give Timothy Dawson the same leniency that he gave my son.
________________________________

This is my impact statement after being edited by the court. Read before the court on November 15, 2002.

Victim Impact Statement of Debbie Wiley

My name is Debbie Wiley and I am the mother of Phillip Ray Dover. Phillip’s murder took everything from me—my security and my innocence, my rest and peace. I have lost my faith and trust in people. Being happy doesn’t seen right anymore.I have sleepless nights, nightmares, and night terrors, and I struggle each day to find a reason.

When Phillip was murdered, we lost a loving father, son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin and friend who was greatly loved. In the last four years, I have watched my family struggle with pain, anger and grief. Phillip’s girls suffered emotional problems which affected them in school and in their family life. Their world has been shattered, they have lost some of their innocence. Phillip had a good job that he enjoyed and was doing very well; he was 31 and talking of buying a house and getting ready to fight the young guys away from his twin daughters.His life was finally coming together. He used to say “now if I could just find a good woman to put up with me, I would be totally happy”.

Phillip had a heart as big as the world.. He would give you his last dollar if you needed it. He was compassionate, caring and loving. He never judged anyone because of the color of their skin, religion or bank account. Phillip has so many friends who miss him terribly. But Most of all, MY SON loved life. ~

________________________________

This is all they allowed me to read, our statements were edited and we were given the above statement that we read in court.

Before we were allowed to read our impact statement, the jury was told they were court approved statements. I wonder if the verdict would have been different if all the families had been allowed to give their impact statement as they wrote them instead of the court’s version. The Defendant’s family members were allowed to beg and plead for his life even though none had seen him in the last four years since he had been in jail and some had not seen him since he was twelve. These people only knew the boy they did not know the monster the boy had become. They begged the jury that if he was just given life they would visit him and take their children to visit. I wonder did the jury notice that the day the "family" testified was the only time they were in court and as soon as they were paid they were gone, did not even make it through the afternoon session. We were not allowed to say anything that might influence the jury we were not allowed to beg and plead for death for this defendant. This man was convicted of killing four people and evidence tied him to another murder in a different county. His abuse of women alone should have been enough for the Jury to give a life sentence. But to kill five people and beat and violate women in the way he did cried out for the death penalty. The first question the jury asked during the deliberation of the sentencing phase was: Were the families of the victims allowed to state what verdict they wanted? And of course the court had to respond with NO.

We learned very quickly that the Defendant has all the rights in court.

Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters (M.O.M.S.) 11:00 pm

2007-07-28T23:01:00.000-04:00

In my search for information to share with my readers throughout this event I stumbled upon the website below. Its a support group no one wants to ever join and yet its inspiring that it still exists...that it's members can have the strength to go on and help others to recover from what most of us would want to forget.

Below I've added the links to their memory board, a memorial for the children they've lost.

~ Joanna

Reference: http://moms.memorial-of-love.net

"M.O.M.S is a place for mothers to communicate with each other,
to provide some information about the GRIEF process
and provide information links to other sites that have been most helpful to me."
~ Debbie Wiley

Who are MOMS? We are women from all over the United States. We share the same horrible pain of having our children murdered but this bond is a blessing to help us survive. This friendship is so meaningful to all. God knew what he was doing when he created MOMS. For there is not anyone else who could travel this road of pain and heartache and come out a stronger person to help others in her same pain.

The first MOM was Debbie Wiley, who created the site in memory of her loving son Phillip. Since then, there have been many more MOMS who have joined in the healing, as there are some things you can only know through traveling this journey. We are all different ages, races, and from different places but we all are the same.

MOMS is a place where when I am so weary other MOMS speak my pain and cry right alongside of me.

MOMS are more warriors than an AMAZON, stronger than the mightiest tree, whose prayers I always hear but tears I never see. MOMS are stronger than Teflon, more fragile than glass, willing to help each other see this pain cannot last. Proud to be among them and all praises to the Lord above us.

Lorre has had one of the worst experiences of losing four family members at the same time but she is such an inspiration to us all. So many members-too many to count. So many precious faces on the memory board and such great pain for all to see more beautiful innocent faces added so often. MOMS is a place I found not by my choice but by someone else's choice to take my sons life. I found comfort and found a lot that knew and know exactly how my heart felt when I found them and how it feels now.

It is my choice now to stay and help others heal on this long journey of pain beyond belief.

The murderer of our loved one (s) causes our membership to M.O.M.S. We found each other, we didn't want to join. The price we pay to be elite also makes our group perpetual. But, Unfortunately, there will be more, and more who join this group, and fortunately, there will be more and more who will find strength, not only by numbers, but through God, to go on with the every day tasks, that we find we can no longer do. To get out of bed, go back to work, and become alive ourselves again, although a large piece of our hearts are missing.

Clocks keep ticking. The world continues to turn. The sun rises on time as if nothing has happened. But we know the truth and in our journey together we share that truth. The truth that love never dies, and as long as we can share our beloved children, our hearts will continue to beat. That is the sisterhood of MOMS.

MEMORY BOARD FOR
THE MURDERED CHILDREN
OF M.O.M.S.

PAGE 1
PAGE 2
PAGE 3

Grief - "The Human Experience" (10:30 pm)

2007-07-28T22:30:00.000-04:00

This essay below is quite informative. It explains the process of grief, but then goes on to enlighten readers on the strength of those left behind after the murder of a child. Wanda describes the comfort and solace she herself finds in other families she meets after losing her own daughter.

People are amazing. Even in all this chaos we live in I try not to forget that. The survivors written about by Wanda Bincer, and the author herself, are clear proof of that. I don't know how they go on after such a loss but I've seen it done in my grandparents and parents. But that is the extent of my experience.
~ Joanna

Reference: MOMS Homepage (http://moms.memorial-of-love.net)

Grief - "The Human Experience"

Wanda Bincer, M.D.
Madison, Wisconsin

Grief is a universal human experience and all of us are familiar with the feelings of pain and sadness following a loss. We read about tragedies every day in the newspapers, see them on TV, hear about misfortunes from friends or experience a loss of someone dear to us through illness or old age. Our culture tends to encourage us to ignore death and pain, and promotes the myth that we can all be young, beautiful and if we live right, happy forever.

Many have read or heard of the work of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and other experts on death and dying. Thus we are familiar with the stages of grief, shock, denial, rage, despair, and finally acceptance. We may find reassurance in the fact that the terrain has been studied, that there is a map on how to travel the areas that need to be passed on the road to our destination. For some the travel is made easier by a strong faith, by a sense of meaning and purpose, and by the firm belief that they will need with absent loved ones after death.

At different times many of us come into contact with grieving persons at a funeral, memorial service or when visiting the bereaved. We offer caring words, compassion, practical help and maybe even love, but then we are finished and go on with our lives. I was thrust into the world of senseless violence, grief and anguish with the sudden news of the murder of my oldest child and only daughter. It began with utter shock and disbelief and a slim hope that a mistake had been made. The shock and disbelief still catch me at times, even though four years have passed. And of course a terrible mistake was made; some cruel and misguided man ended the life of a young woman, who loved life, people and animals. She picked up stray puppies, loved children, had a radiant sunny smile and wanted to start a camp for mentally retarded and disabled children. A part of me was killed with her and I will never be the same again.

We all ask "why." We become acutely aware of our vulnerability. The world suddenly becomes an unfair and dangerous place. Our sense of trust, order, and the belief that should we live just and good life nothing bad will happen to us, are shattered. However, it is important to remember that we are all individuals, that our circumstances differ, as does the length and pattern of our grief. What we can offer those who are grieving is a caring acceptance of their special way of dealing with their anguish and a willingness to listen.

"Give Sorrow Words" is the message of the self-support group Parents of Murdered Children. Healing can be facilitated by telling one's story again and again and by allowing oneself to experience pain, rage and despair. Most of us do not realize our own strengths and ability to cope. The resiliency and power of the human spirit are awesome. When I come into contact with families whose child has been murdered and experience the compassion and caring within the group, my faith in the human spirit is restored. Survivors of the murder of a child, spouse, or friend have a great deal to offer one another and often can be of more help than the clergy or mental health professionals.

I would say that probably the most important element that can help us in our grieving is that we treat ourselves with great kindness and that we do not set up unfair expectations of ourselves. Length of time, intensity of sorrow, may be different for each of us. The different stages of grief follow no rigid order and we need to give ourselves permission to experience our anguish in our own time, without deadlines or hurtful judgements.

As we live through unimaginable heartbreak and sadness, it is a time for gentleness; it is a time to forgive ourselves, our anger and self-centeredness; it is a time to allow ourselves to weep, as long and as often as we wish.

It is important not to allow society in general, our friends, mental health professionals, or the clergy in particular, to pressure us into getting on with the business of living and thus shortening or suppressing our grieving. Well-meaning people who expect the bereaved to become quickly functional, smiling and cheerful again, may do incredible harm and will certainly increase the feelings of loneliness, hurt and alienation already present.

It is important to grieve, to experience the pain, to weep and to acknowledge the impact of our loss. To allow ourselves to grieve is healing in the long run. It enables us to put our lives together again as best we can under the circumstances.

A Message from John Walsh

2007-07-28T22:00:00.000-04:00

John Walsh is very well known as the host of "America's Most Wanted" -- a show dedicated to putting the worst of criminals behind bars, where they belong. Walsh himself lost a child to a to homicide in 1981 and has since made it his personal mission to help make sure that justice be served to child-murderers for their heinous actions.

~ Joanna

Reference: Missing Child Resources (http://www.amw.com)
...

A Message from John Walsh

When my son Adam was murdered, I began my journey through an America that I wish I knew nothing about. An America where adults do appalling things to children.

Back in 1981 when Adam was abducted, there weren't any resources for endangered children and their families. My wife Revé and I had no idea what to do. In an instant, our lives were turned completely upside down. We just began beating on doors asking for help. We called anyone and everyone. It felt as if we were in charge of the investigation. While we feared for our son's safety, we were also angry at the system that was supposed to protect our son and help us.

Adam's abduction was our private hell -- but it was not an isolated incident. Life is an obstacle course for children in America today. Sadly, stranger abduction cases are just the tip of the iceberg. Physical and psychological violence and abuse, abduction, molestation, and sexual exploitation are all overwhelming in magnitude yet largely unrecognized and underreported

From the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
With viewers' help America's Most Wanted has helped reunite abducted children with their parents and put lots of perverts behind bars. But we're only on TV for 1 hour a week. NCMEC is there 24/7. Since 1984, they've handled 1.8 million calls, trained more than 180,000 professionals, distributed more than 28 million copies of publications, worked 94,000 missing-child cases, and helped recover 78,000 missing children.

To Survivors of Homice (From POMC Brochure) 9:30 pm

2007-07-28T21:30:00.000-04:00

This is a further look into the support that POMC has to offer to survivors of homicide who've lost a child. Behind every name along the Indiana Tenderness Trail currently being constructed is a mother, father, grandparent, etc., who's suffered what no one should ever have to. I firmly believe that the lose of a child is one of the very worst things that we as humans can ever endure. Its an occurence that defies all that we hold as being natural and sacred.

~ Joanna

PARENTS OF MURDERED CHILDREN, INC.

Parents of Murdered Children, Inc. (POMC), headquartered in Cincinnati, Ohio, is the only national self-help organization designed solely to offer emotional support and information about surviving the loss of a loved one to murder. It was founded by Charlotte and Bob Hullinger in 1978, three months after their daughter, Lisa, was murdered.

"It began out of our personal need, not out of any altruistic motives," Charlotte Hullinger says. "From it developed the realization that most people don't have any idea of what it's like to have a child murdered." Based on the idea that grief must be shared, Parents of Murdered Children was born.

From its quiet birth, POMC has expanded to include other family members and friends who are survivors. POMC now has Chapters and Contact Persons across the United States and provides assistance and support to over 100,000 survivors each year.

WHEN A LOVED ONE IS MURDERED

Facing the death of a loved one is never easy. When murder occurs, the anger, pain and grief are compounded by the crushing realization that another person intentionally took the life of someone precious.

Adding to the family's trauma are intrusions into their grief. Police, lawyers and other members of the criminal justice system need information, evidence and testimony. Television and newspaper reporters often focus upon the victim without consulting the family. When a suspect is apprehended, preliminary hearings, postponements, trials and sentencing all force grieving families to face what may seem to be a lack of justice. In situations where the murder is unsolved or justice is otherwise compromised, there is even greater pain and confusion.

WHY WE ARE HERE

1. To provide ongoing emotional support needed to help parents and other survivors deal with the pain of their loss and facilitate the reconstruction of their lives.

2. To provide contact with similarly bereaved persons and establish self-help groups that meet regularly.

3. To provide information about the grief process and the criminal justice system as they pertain to survivors of a homicide victim.

4. To communicate with professionals about the problems faced by those surviving a homicide victim.

5. To increase society's awareness of the problems faced by survivors.

LOCAL CHAPTERS AND CONTACT PERSONS

POMC local Chapters hold monthly meetings, provide a telephone network of support, supply information about the grief process, organize a speakers bureau and provide accompaniment for survivors who must attend court proceedings. Many Chapters publish their own newsletter.

In areas where there are not enough members to sustain a Chapter, Contact Persons provide much the same level of support.

WHAT HAPPENS AT A MEETING?

Most meetings begin with introductions and each survivor telling of their loss. Often there is a topic to guide discussions, such as the grief process, the criminal justice system or favorite memories. Usually meetings revolve around group members' own knowledge and experiences, but occasionally outside speakers are invited to present information and to learn from survivors.

One member said: "In the meetings, people are so supportive, you don't have to be afraid to say what you feel. No one is there to judge your feelings or to persuade you to think differently."

A reporter described a meeting in Wisconsin: "These mothers and fathers talked about their feelings of anger, hopelessness, bitterness and their seemingly endless grief. No one told them 'Forget about it' or 'You should be over that by now.'"

As members help one another by sharing experiences, feelings and insights and by allowing others to do the same, their grief is somehow lessened.

THOUGHTS ON COPING

As parents and other family members who have survived the violent death of a son, daughter or other loved one, we wish to share some thoughts on coping and to offer additional materials you may find helpful.

First, don't be surprised at the strong emotions that come -- shock, disbelief, anger toward the murderer, frustration with justice being delayed or denied, a seeming loss of faith in God and people.

Second, expect to be numb, confused, depressed or unable to stop crying. Sometimes survivors have difficulty releasing their emotions. You may feel as if you are losing your sanity, but you're probably not. These are normal reactions.

Third, it is natural to experience a primal kind of fear. Childhood fears of the "boogeyman" coming in the middle of the night and murdering you become real.

Fourth, be gentle with yourself. Grief takes much longer to resolve than most people realize. It affects the body as well as the emotions.

Fifth, as much as you want to, don't build a wall around yourself. You are not alone, and being involved with others will help your recovery, especially if you can channel your strong emotions into constructive action.

HOW MAY WE HELP?

Every survivor has days that are more difficult than others. If you need to talk to someone, please call. The National POMC staff is available to listen and assist you with specific problems. National POMC is open Monday-Friday, 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., EST. Your call is important to us. After hours an answering service will relay your message and we will return your call as soon as possible.

National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children, Inc.
100 East Eighth Street, B-41 · Cincinnati, Ohio 45202
Phone: (513)721-5683 · Fax: (513)345-4489
E-mail: NatlPOMC@aol.com

Natl. Org. of Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc, (POMC) 9:00 pm

2007-07-28T21:00:00.000-04:00

This is the first of eleven posts which will focus on the words and experiences of those left behind after the loss of a child: mainly parents of slain children, expressing their sorrow after such unimaginable loss.

~ Joanna

Reference: http://www.pomc.com/

Origin of POMC

Parents Of Murdered Children, INC. was founded by Robert and Charlotte Hullinger in Cincinnati Ohio, in 1978 after the murder of their 19-year old daughter Lisa by former boyfriend Bill Coday.

Just two months after Lisa's death, Charlotte contacted Father Ken Czillinger, a Roman Catholic Priest, who had been working in the field of bereavement. He was able to put the Hullinger's in touch with three other parents whose children had been murdered. In December 1978, just three months after Lisa's death, the Hullinger's opened their home and held the first meeting of parents of murdered children in the country. From their humble beginning of five parents, including themselves, the Hullinger's determination to survive and help others grew into a national organization. Now celebrating it's 25th year, Parents Of Murdered Children has over 300 Chapters and Contact People and over 100,000 members. Each week at the National Headquarters, POMC National Staff responds to approximately 1048 murder-related contacts.

The Mission
POMC makes the difference through on-going emotional support, education, prevention, advocacy, and awareness.

Vision Statement
To provide support and assistance to all survivors of homicide victims while working to create a world free of murder

National Office: (888) 818-POMC (toll free)
(513) 721-5683 (phone)
(513) 345-4489 (fax)
natlpomc@aol.com (e-mail)

Copyright ©The National Organization of Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc.
All Rights Reserved

Facts on Preventing Violence Against Women and Children

2007-07-28T20:28:00.000-04:00

Below is a list of statistics regarding the number of women and children who become victims of violence, as well as the severity, cost, and prevention of further violence. The point here is that the violence doesn't end with the victim - it affects every one of us as a nation.

~ Joanna

Resource: Family Violence Prevention Fund (http://endabuse.org/)

The Facts on Preventing Violence Against Women and Children

Violence Against Women and Children is Pervasive

• From 25 to 31 percent of American women report being physically or sexually abused by a
husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives, and from 3 million to 10 million
children witness that abuse each year.

• Drawing on recent survey data, the National Research Council reports that one in every six
U.S. women has at some time experienced an attempted or completed rape. Annually, more
than 300,000 women are forcibly raped and more than 4 million are assaulted.

• 16-24 year old women are consistently reported as the group most at risk of abuse.

• A study of 8th and 9th grade male and female students found that 25 percent had been victims
of nonsexual dating violence and 8 percent had been victims of sexual dating violence.

• In a nationally representative sample of Head Start programs serving low-income children
ages 3-5, researchers found that 17 percent of the children studied had been exposed to
domestic violence.

Harms from Victimization or Exposure Can be Severe, Chronic and Costly

• Women victimized by abuse are more likely to be diagnosed with serious health problems
including depression, panic attacks, high risk behaviors such as tobacco and substance abuse
and sexual risk taking, as well as migraines, chronic pain, arthritis, high blood pressure,
gastrointestinal problems, inconsistent use of birth control, and delayed entry into prenatal
care.

• Pregnant women are frequent targets of abuse and, as a result, are placed at risk for low birth
weight babies, pre-term labor -- pregnant and parenting teens are especially vulnerable.

• Abused children and those exposed to adult violence in their homes may have short and long
term physical, emotional and learning problems, including: increased aggression, decreased
responsiveness to adults, failure to thrive, posttraumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety,
hyper vigilance and hyperactivity, eating and sleeping problems, and developmental delays.

• A recent study of low-income pre-school children in Michigan found that nearly half (46.7
percent) of the children in the study had been exposed to at least one incident of mild or
severe violence in the family. Children who had been exposed to violence suffered
symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, such as bed-wetting or nightmares, and were at
greater risk than their peers of having allergies, asthma, gastrointestinal problems, headaches
and flu.

The Facts on Preventing Violence Against Women and Children

Crime and Incarceration of Youth are Often Associated with a History of Child Abuse and Exposure to Domestic Violence

• A study of young adolescents in the Cleveland area found that “recent exposure to violence at home…was one of the most significant predictors of a teen’s use of subsequent violence at school or in the community.”
• Approximately 457,000 14-24 year olds leave the juvenile justice system, federal and state prisons or local jails annually, and a high percentage of them have experienced or witnessed violence at home.

ARTICLE: Breaking the Cycle (8:00 PM)

2007-07-28T20:00:00.000-04:00

This cinnamon pie from Papa Johns that I've ordered? Wonderful...just wonderful. :)
Oh yeah, we're not talking about me here, thats right? LoL. Sorry.
Here is a positive take on the cycle of abuse towards children by their caretakers, explaining how it CAN be broken.
~ Joanna

Reference: Love Our Children USA (http://loveourchildrenusa.org/)

Breaking The Cycle

Children Need Models Rather Than Critics
- Joseph Joubert

Parents learn to victimize children early. They learned this by acting upon their own experiences when they were children. What is learned behavior can be unlearned and the cycle can be broken.

We can break the cycle through early education and intervention. We know that the first three years of your child's life are crucial. Those are the years that your child will develop significant intellectual, emotional and social abilities. That's when they learn to give and accept love. They learn confidence, security, and empathy … they learn to be curious and persistent … everything your child needs to learn to relate well to others, and lead a happy and productive life. The first three years are the doorway to forever!

Children experience developmental advantages and disadvantages. The more developmental advantages they have, the more likely they will take positive paths. These advantages include: loving family relationships, meaningful opportunities, positive values - everything children need to succeed. By having nurturing family support, and a caring school environment, children develop good self-esteem. If a child lives in an abusive environment without love and support, and a tense school climate where bullying is a daily routine, that child will be at great risk.

________________________________
Breaking the cycle
that breaks children's hearts...
their lives ... and their spirit.
________________________________

In order to have more realistic expectations of children, educate yourself about child development. Understand that child development goes in stages. A child needs time to earn new behaviors and practice them consistently.

Recognize the feelings that your child is expressing through her words and actions. Be calm when your child is upset. Treat your child as you would your best friend, with respect, nurturing and love.

Replace physical punishment with more effective behavior strategies. Abusive physical punishment harms a child's healthy development and destroys the parent-child relationship. Discipline with dignity, on the other hand, teaches your child to respect authority and to develop self-control.

By strengthening adult relationships and seeking counseling to change your patterns of intimacy with other adults, you will achieve greater satisfaction in your personal life and improved relationships with your kids.

Encourage your child's attempts at independence. Listen to her opinions and take her feelings into account when making decisions. Give your child opportunities to make choices throughout childhood. In doing so, you help her develop a sense of self and the basis for a healthy personality.

Help break the cycle of children being victimized and neglected. Protect children by listening to them and being aware of the risk factors.

A child's voice is small, ignored and unheard. Raise the volume so that everyone hears their message … They only have one childhood - let's give them beautiful dreams instead of shattering them!

Statistics for Children in Violent Homes (7:30 pm)

2007-07-28T19:28:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it helps to take a look at the facts and that is what this post is for. It holds great proof of the violence that children are subjected to in the one place where they're supposed to be most safe.

~ Joanna

Resource: The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence (http://www.acadv.org)

Statistics

Each year an estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to violence against their mothers or female caretakers by family members. (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family: Report of the APA Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family,1996)

Studies show that child abuse occurs in 30 to 60 percent of family violence cases that involve families with children. (J.L. Edleson, "The overlap between child maltreatment and woman battering." Violence Against Women, February, 1999.)

A survey of 6,000 American families found that 50 percent of men who assault their wives, also abuse their children. (Pagelow, "The Forgotten Victims: Children of Domestic Violence," 1989)

Research shows that 80 to 90 percent of children living in homes where there is domestic violence are aware of the violence. (Pagelow, "Effects of Domestic Violence on Children," Mediation Quarterly, 1990)

A number one predictor of child abuse is woman abuse. (Stark and Flitcraft, "Women at Risk: A Feminist Perspective on Child Abuse," International Journal of Health Services, 1988)

The more severe the abuse of the mother, the worse the child abuse. (Bowker, Arbitell, and McFerron, "On the Relationship Between Wife Beating and Child Abuse," Perspectives on Wife Abuse, 1988)

Some 80 percent of child fatilities within the family are attributable to fathers or father surrogates. (Bergman, Larsen and Mueller, "Changing Spectrum of Serious Child Abuse," Pediatrics, 1986)

In families where the mother is assaulted by the father, daughters are at risk of sexual abuse 6.51 times greater than girls in non-abusive families (Bowker, Arbitell and McFerron, 1988)

A child's exposure to the father abusing the mother is the strongest risk fact for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family: Report of the APA Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family,1996)

Male children who witness the abuse of mothers by fathers are more likely to become men who batter in adulthood than those male children from homes free of violence (Rosenbaum and O'Leary, "Children: The Unintended Victims of Marital Violence," American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 1981)

Older children are frequently assaulted when they intervene to defend or protect their mothers. (Hilberman and Munson, "Sixty Battered Women," Victimology: An International Journal, 1977-78)

In a 36-month study of 146 children, ages 11-17 who came from homes where there was domestic violence, all sons over the age of 14 attempted to protect their mothers from attacks. Some 62 percent were injured in the process. (Roy, 1988)

Nat. Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV ~ 7:00 pm)

2007-07-28T19:06:00.001-04:00

The organization below is a prime example of the reality of experienced violence of children in their own homes. Whether experienced directly or witnessed, household violence has a profound affect on America's children, sometimes leading to their deaths. Eight-year-old Jesse and four-year-old Tessa Jones died as a direct result of domestic violence. They're listed below under the NCADV's "Remember My Name-1999" memorial. These two young children are also likewise also listed for the construction of The Indiana Tenderness Trail. Although I have no article to verify it, "Jennifer Jones, Age 34, IN" listed above the two children, leads me to believe that they were murdered along with their mother.

The Indiana Tenderness Trail
#88. Jesse Jones
#89. Tessa Jones

~ Joanna

~ Hour 10 ~

Resource: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (http://ncadv.org)

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (N.C.A.D.V.)
www.ncadv.org

Mission Statement and Purpose

The Mission of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is to organize for collective power by advancing transformative work, thinking and leadership of communities and individuals working to end the violence in our lives.

NCADV believes violence against women and children results from the use of force or threat to achieve and maintain control over others in intimate relationships, and from societal abuse of power and domination in the forms of sexism, racism, homophobia, classism, anti-Semitism, able-bodyism, ageism and other oppressions. NCADV recognizes that the abuses of power in society foster battering by perpetuating conditions, which condone violence against women and children. Therefore, it is the mission of NCADV to work for major societal changes necessary to eliminate both personal and societal violence against all women and children.

NCADV's work includes coalition building at the local, state, regional and national levels; support for the provision of community-based, non-violent alternatives - such as safe home and shelter programs - for battered women and their children; public education and technical assistance; policy development and innovative legislation; focus on the leadership of NCADV's caucuses and task forces developed to represent the concerns of organizationally under represented groups; and efforts to eradicate social conditions which contribute to violence against women and children.

Remember My Name - 1999

Jennifer	Jones	34	IN
Jesse	Jones	8	IN
Tessa	Jones	4	IN

Violent Death Among Children Linked to Household Firearms (6:30 pm)

2007-07-28T18:37:00.000-04:00

Below is an article published in 2002 regarding a 10-year long study on the relationship between the levels of household firearm ownership and number of violent deaths of children.

Mental Note To Readers: For the love of God, if you own a gun, keep it away from the access of children!

Thanks,
~ Joanna

Reference: Harvard School of Public Health (http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/press-releases/)

Violent Death Among Children Linked to Household Firearms

Boston, MA-- A new study from the Harvard School of Public Health (HSPH) found that in states and regions with higher levels of household firearm ownership, many more children are dying from homicide, suicide and gun accidents. The differences in rates of violent death to children across states are large. The higher death rates in high gun states are due to differences in deaths from firearms. This elevated rate of violent death to children in high gun states cannot be explained by differences in state levels of poverty, education, or urbanization. The article "Firearm Availability and Unintentional Firearm Deaths, Suicide, and Homicide among 5-14 Year Olds" (PDF) is published in the February, 2002 issue of The Journal of Trauma (www.jtrauma.com ) and a table from the study appears on the journal cover.

Matthew Miller, M.D., SCD, associate director of the Harvard Injury Control Research Center at HSPH and lead author of the study, said: “In states with more guns, more children are dying. They are dying in suicides, in homicides, and in gun accidents. This finding is completely contrary to the notion that guns are protecting our children.” “The differences in violent death rates to children are large, and are closely tied to levels of gun ownership,” he said. “The differences cannot be explained by poverty, education or urbanization.”

This study focused on children aged 5 to14, and compared data across all 50 states over a 10-year period (1988-1997). In one table, the authors compare the five states with the highest gun ownership levels with the five states with the lowest levels. While these states have equal numbers of children, they have very different rates of violent death. In the 10-year period, 253 children died from firearm accidents in the high gun states, compared to 15 in the low gun states. While the numbers of non-gun suicides were similar, 153 children killed themselves with guns in the five high gun states, compared to 22 who committed suicide in the five low gun states. Children in the high gun states were also at much higher risk of being murdered with a firearm. During this 10-year period, 298 children aged 5 to 14 were murdered with guns in the high gun states, compared to 86 in the low gun states. The non-gun homicide rates were fairly similar (a little over 100 non-gun homicides in both sets of states). Miller emphasized that, while no study that is a snapshot of the U.S. over a short period of time can prove causation, the strong and robust association between gun ownership and children’s violent death is compelling. These results are also consistent with international comparisons. The U.S. level of private firearm ownership is much higher than in other developed nations and U.S. children aged 5 to14 are far more likely to be murdered, commit suicide, and die from gun accidents than children in other developed countries. Indeed, for children aged 5 to 14 in the United States, death from firearms is the third leading cause of mortality, following only motor vehicle crashes and cancer. The study was supported in part by the Joyce Foundation, the Packard Foundation, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, the Open Society Institute, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

For further information, please contact:

Robin Herman
Director of Communications
677 Huntington Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts 02115
Phone: 617-432-4752
Email: rherman@hsph.harvard.edu

ARTICLE: Risk of Death in Children of Abused Women

2007-07-28T17:56:00.000-04:00

The findings of the research behind this article are a bit startling. Although its possible to make some connections in the correlation between violence against women and the increase of dying in these said womens children. However the extent in the correlation between the two is what I find startling. Its quite extreme to say the least.

~ Joanna

Reference: International Family Planning Perspectives (http://findarticles.com/)

Abused women's children have an increased risk of dying before age five

Children of women who experience physical or sexual violence-whether before, during or after pregnancy-are significantly more likely to die before age five, according to a study in Leon, Nicaragua (1). The odds of losing a child among women who had ever been physically or sexually abused by an intimate partner or a nonpartner were two to four times as high as they were among women who had not been abused; women who had experienced both physical and sexual partner violence had an even higher risk of child loss.

To examine the association between violence against mothers and deaths among their children, the researchers searched a demographic database of nearly f 0,000 households in and around Leon for all live-born children who had died before the age of five between January 1993 andjune 1996. Each such child was matched for sex and age at death to two randomly selected live children. Trained interviewers collected social and demographic information from the mothers of all the children in the sample and asked about their exposure to physical violence and sexual violence within 12 months before and after the index pregnancy; in addition, the mothers of children who had died were asked about the circumstances leading to their child's death. Overall, 313 mothers-110 of children who had died before age five and 203 of living children-completed questionnaires. The data were analyzed using logistic regression analyses.

Of the children who had died before age five, 84% died within a year of birth. Forty-three percent of deaths within the first 29 days after birth were caused by complications of prematurity and low birth weight, whereas 37% of deaths before age five were attributed to diarrhea and infection.

Among mothers of children who had died before age five, 61% had ever experienced some type of violence, compared with 37% of mothers of living children. Half of the mothers of children who had died and one-third of mothers of living children had been abused by a current or former intimate partner; smaller proportions (3-7%) had experienced nonpartner violence from relatives, friends or strangers. Ninety percent of women who had experienced physical abuse reported it as being severe (i.e., punches, kicks, bites, blows with objects, or any type of forced sex).

In bivariate analyses, researchers found significant associations between violence and child mortality. Mothers who had ever been physically abused by an intimate partner, a nonpartner or both, or sexually abused by a partner were significantly more likely than others to have had their child die before age five (odds ratios, 2.2-4.3). Having experienced severe violence was associated with elevated odds of losing a child (2.3), as was having been abused before becoming pregnant, or during pregnancy and the 12 months preceding the child's death (2.1-2.5). Furthermore, children born to mothers who had had no formal education, had had more than five births, were aged 35-49 or lived in a rural area were more likely than others to die before their fifth birthday (3.0-3.4).

In a multivariate analysis adjusted for education, parity, area of residence and socioeconomic status, the loss of a child before age five was associated with the mother having experienced physical or sexual violence from either an intimate partner (odds ratio, 2.1) or a nonpartner (4.1); women who had experienced both physical and sexual violence from an intimate partner had even higher odds of losing a child (6.3). Using these findings, the researchers estimate that approximately onefourth of the deaths among children younger than five could be attributed to physical or sexual violence toward women by their partners.

The researchers suggest various explanations for the association between violence against women and child mortality. First, mothers exposed to physical or emotional stress are more likely than others to have low-birth-weight infants, who in turn have an increased risk of dying during childhood. Another theory is that the capacity of women to raise a child may be diminished because of emotional issues associated with abuse, such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress, or because they are physically prevented from obtaining care for their children.

The authors of an accompanying commentary note that the study questionnaire did not include items regarding whether a child's birth was intended and whether the child was abused (2). They comment that in the absence of such data, the findings are "likely to overestimate substantially the true association" between violence against women and the risk of death among their children.

-J. Rosenberg

REFERENCES

1. Asling-Monemi K et al., Violence against women increases the risk of infant and child mortality: a case referent study in Nicaragua, Bulletin of the World Health Organization, 2003,81(1):10-16.

2. Butchart A and Villaveces A, Violence against women and the risk of infant and child mortality, Bulletin of the World Health Organization, 2003,81(1):17.

Bibliography

Rosenberg, J "Abused women's children have an increased risk of dying before age five". International Family Planning Perspectives. Sep 2003. FindArticles.com. 21 Jul. 2007. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3876/is_200309/ai_n9269096

ARTICLE: Violence Has a Home Address

2007-07-28T17:28:00.000-04:00

This is the first of eight posts which will focus on the dynamics of household violence in order to bring about awareness of this problem. Children experiencing or witnessing violence at home is all too common and very preventable as I hope this and the following seven posts will show.

Reference: Psychology Today (http://psychologytoday.com/articles/)

Violence Has a Home Address

How parents can stop violence before it starts.

What are the roots of violence? A troubled mind? The mean streets of the inner city? No, says a major report by the American Psychological Association, they are in the home. And there are things parents can do to stop violence before it starts.

The greatest single predictor of violence is a personal history of violence, claims the APA's Commission on Youth and Violence. A person's level of aggression is remarkably consistent over the lifetime: those aggressive as children are much more likely to be violent as adults. Additionally, parents who themselves have a history of violence raise children with a greater than normal chance of becoming violent.

Violence is not a natural state; it's learned by the young in observing parents and peers. Nor is it the inevitable result of anger or impulse. Violent actions by parents and siblings can exacerbate a child's already violent nature, creating a "trajectory toward violence." Physical punishment may produce obedience in the short term, but it teaches children that problems are best solved through aggressive or violent means.

Societal influences help foment violent behavior. The images that populate mass media actually have the longest-lasting impact of all contributors to violence. Prolonged exposure to violent images increases the fear of becoming a victim, desensitizes violence, and heightens the viewer's appetite for similarly engaging in violence.

But family is the mediating variable. Children with strong family bonds are at lower risk for becoming violent than children from less cohesive families, even when they have demonstrated a violent nature.

So if violence begins at home, then so should prevention. Parents, advises the commission, should monitor and control their children's use of violent entertainment--even if it means switching off the television. Violent parents need to learn better ways to interact with their children and to get help fast if children exhibit aggressive behavior. They too need to learn to deal with anger and frustration in less aggressive ways.

ARTICLE: "Make It Your Business" (5:00 pm)

2007-07-28T17:00:00.000-04:00

This is the last of seven articles in The Indiana Series. I'm currently in the middle of ordering a pizza. Good times. In this last article we read the story of a man who finds great remorse in the fact that he didn't stop his girlfriend from beating her young son. He felt it wasn't any of his business until the day the child collapsed and died. This young child happens to be recorded as child #85 on the Indiana Tenderness Trail, a project currently in construction. Dylan had a life and a future ahead of him. His death, at the age of just 18 months, could have been saved.

"I've had dreams of that kid waking me up and asking me, you know, 'Why didn't you help me more?' " Roberts said.

"When I got with my girlfriend that I'm with now . . . I told her right from the get-go, I go, 'Hey, I want to tell you the saddest story in the world . . .' " His voice trailed off, and his eyes watered, then he continued:

"Make it your business. If they say it ain't your business, make it your business."

Indiana Tenderness Trail #85. Dylan Sanders

Reference: http://www2.indystar.com/special/childabuse/

'MAKE IT YOUR BUSINESS'

One man's remorse

Witness regrets he didn't act to help child

By Tim Evans
tim.evans@indystar.com

December 9, 2002

Allen Wayne Roberts turned on the television and cranked up the volume.

He wanted it loud -- loud enough to block out the screams from the next room, where his girlfriend, Elizabeth Sanders, was beating her young son.

But he didn't call police or Child Protection Services.

Roberts, a carpenter, sold marijuana at that time and worried about the scrutiny a call like that might bring.

So Dylan Sanders died on June 26, 1999.

Detective Rick Lang of the Indiana State Police investigated Dylan's death. It was one of eight child abuse or neglect homicides he helped investigate in Morgan County during the past five years.

Lang said many of those cases had a common theme: People knew about the abuse or neglect but didn't report it.

A visit from a Child Protection Services case manager might have helped Elizabeth Sanders learn to cope with her energetic 18-month-old son, but the mother and child were unknown to the agency.

"It's sad, you know. He didn't have to die," Roberts, 31, said in an interview with The Star.

"My whole concern was getting in trouble for the pot."

If he had the chance to do it over, Roberts said, he would call police and tell them: "Hey, there's something ain't right. This girl's disciplining this kid in a way different way than most people discipline their kids."

The beating Roberts tried to block out ruptured Dylan's small intestine, leading to the peritonitis that killed him two days later.

Sanders, then 19, was charged with murder, but was convicted on a lesser charge of neglect of a dependent.

Now serving a 20-year sentence at the Indiana Women's Prison in Indianapolis, she declined to be interviewed.

Roberts and Sanders started dating in early 1999, and he soon moved into her apartment in the Morgan County community of Brooklyn.

Roberts hit it off with Dylan from the start. "He was my little buddy. . . . I bought him blocks and stuff. He would build things, and then he would look at me like, 'Do you think this is cool?' "

It wasn't long after Roberts moved in that he started having concerns with how Sanders disciplined Dylan.

But when he suggested she go easier on the boy, she told Roberts it was none of his business.

"Sometimes, you know, she tried to love on him, but you could tell he didn't want it -- just, you know, 'You love me now, but you hit me later.' "

Roberts said Sanders rarely struck Dylan in front of him. She disciplined him in the bedroom.

But he did walk in on Sanders as she delivered the fatal beating.

"She was whaling on him pretty good," he said.

Demonstrating a series of violent downward punching motions, Roberts recalled: "The kid was screaming at the top of his lungs. I was, like, leave the kid alone. You know, just leave him alone.

"And she turned around with one of them looks like it's none of your f---ing business. You know, what are you supposed to do?"

Roberts returned to the living room, turned on the television and lit up a joint.

"I had the remote control, you know . . . so I turned up the TV a little, OK."

Dylan suffered through the final 48 hours of his life -- seldom moving from a chair in the apartment.

But Roberts said he didn't connect Dylan's listlessness to the beating.

Sanders told him Dylan had fallen from his crib and that she and her mother would take him to the doctor if he wasn't better by the next day.

But when Roberts returned from a roofing job two days after the beating, Dylan had not improved.

"I was like, Dylan, buddy, you want to take a little nap with me, and he was all happy, you know, and we laid down and took us a little nap," Roberts said.

"He was like at ease when we were laying there . . . because he knew that I wasn't, you know, that as long as I had him or as long as he was around me that he wasn't going to get abused."

After Dylan awoke, he tried to walk to his toy box but collapsed after a few steps.

"I grabbed him up and I'm like, this baby's going to the hospital, and she was like, hold on, let me fix me a soda," Roberts said. "She wanted to fix a soda right there!"

In court, Indiana University pathologist John Pless said Dylan endured the most severe case of abdominal abuse he had seen in a child.

Roberts was convicted of assisting a criminal for lying to investigators about how Dylan was injured. He initially went along with Sanders when she told investigators Dylan was hurt during a fall from his crib.

As the reality of Dylan's death sank in, Roberts told authorities what he had seen and agreed to testify against Sanders.

He was sentenced to three years. The judge suspended the prison time and placed Roberts on probation, citing his eventual cooperation and the remorse he showed.

Roberts was arrested in September on a probation violation.

Talking about Dylan's death from the Morgan County Jail, Roberts -- who has since been released -- said he is haunted by the knowledge he could and should have done more to help the child.

He hopes others concerned about the welfare of children learn from his mistake.

"I've had dreams of that kid waking me up and asking me, you know, 'Why didn't you help me more?' " Roberts said.

"When I got with my girlfriend that I'm with now . . . I told her right from the get-go, I go, 'Hey, I want to tell you the saddest story in the world . . .' " His voice trailed off, and his eyes watered, then he continued:

"Make it your business. If they say it ain't your business, make it your business."

ARTICLE: Unreported Suspicions (4:30 pm)

2007-07-28T16:30:00.000-04:00

Again, this article emphasizes the importance of reporting any abuse one is aware or suspicious of. Below are details behind the violent deaths of 7 out of the 115 children recorded for the construction of the Indiana Tenderness Trail. Just think, if these people would have done the right thing it would currently be 108. You might someday be in a position to report suspected or known abuse and, in choosing to report it. You might just help to save a life.

The Indiana Tenderness Trail
#94. Brittany Nicole Smith
#81. Christian Durnell
#84. Xavier Hill
#75. Joshua Henson
#76. Terry Lynn Henson
#72. Jonathon Nix
#95. Aspen Fultz

~ Joanna

Reference: http://www2.indystar.com/special/childabuse/

UNREPORTED SUSPICIONS

Many looked away while children died

By Tim Evans
tim.evans@indystar.com

December 9, 2002

After Brittany Nicole Smith died, more than a dozen family members, friends and neighbors told investigators they had seen injuries on the baby's head.

One said Brittany looked lifeless. Another recalled her tiny head covered with bruises.

They had reason to suspect the child was being abused, but they did not tell authorities who might have been able to help the 9-month-old Morgan County girl.

They weren't alone -- even though a state law requires all citizens to report suspected abuse or neglect.

The Star's review of Child Protection Services fatality reports found case after case across the state in which family members, friends, neighbors and even doctors failed to speak up -- until it was too late.

In Brittany's case, those who saw the battered baby chose to believe her mother, Trina Smith.

She told them the little girl kept hitting her head on her crib.

An autopsy told a different story. Brittany had a skull fracture. She also had healing fractures in both legs, a recent break on her left leg and a fractured hand.

Brittany died April 29, 1998. Smith said she had been afraid to seek medical help. She said her boyfriend, Timothy McSchooler, had warned: "The welfare doctors will take her away."

Smith, then 22, was convicted of three counts of neglect and sentenced to 33 years; McSchooler, then 29, was convicted of one count of neglect and sentenced to 20 years.

"You could have sought medical treatment in time to save that baby's life," Morgan Superior Court Judge Jane Spencer Craney told Smith at her sentencing.

"And therefore, not only are you legally responsible . . . you are morally responsible."

Other examples of children failed by people who could and should have reported their suspicions were found in Child Protection Services fatality investigation reports:

• Two-month-old Christian Durnell died Dec. 3, 1999, after suffering a brain injury and more than a dozen broken ribs at the hands of his father.

Family members said the Porter County baby had earlier injuries that they found upsetting in hindsight, according to the Child Protection Services report.

One said that, when Christian was about 2 weeks old, she saw bruising to the child's ear and blisters on his feet, the state report said.

She also saw blood.

Christian's father, Grant Durnell, then 26, pleaded guilty to reckless homicide and battery and was sentenced to 20 years. No one was charged for failing to report.

• Xaevier Hill's family knew Darryl Forrest had trouble controlling his anger. But that didn't stop them from leaving Xaevier with his mother's boyfriend.

It was a fatal decision.

Forrest, then 24, killed the 1-year-old boy in August 1999, and doctors found signs of earlier abuse.

There were previous injuries the Marion County family should have been aware of, said the Child Protection Services report.

Forrest was convicted of murder and sentenced to 60 years. No one was charged for failure to report.

• Jennings County toddlers Joshua and Tarry Lynn Henson were left alone outside for 30 minutes on April 10, 2000. The brother, 2, and sister, 4, wandered to a neighbor's swimming pool and drowned.

"There appears to be a problem with mom supervising children according to statement taken from neighbors," the state report said.

• Child Protection Services workers investigated after Lee LeMaster took his battered son to a Morgan County hospital on Sept. 30, 2000, and said he dropped the boy in the shower.

"The family was protective and supportive of the father," the state's report said. It also noted that law enforcement and medical professionals concluded the father's explanation was plausible.

A month later, LeMaster brought 10-month-old Jonathan Nix back to the hospital with multiple head injuries. This time, the child didn't survive.

After Jonathan's death on Oct. 30, 2000, family members mentioned at least five other incidents in which the boy was injured while visiting his noncustodial father, according to the Child Protection Services report.

LeMaster, now 27, was convicted of neglect of a dependent and sentenced to 20 years. No one was charged with failure to report.

• After 8-month-old Aspen Fultz drowned in a bathtub on March 4, 1998, family members and friends admitted they should have reported the parents before the tragedy, said Carroll County Sheriff Dennis Randle.

The day Aspen died, she and her 2-year-old brother were in the care of their father, Michael E. Fultz.

"The father, evidently, had the reputation for drinking heavily and sleeping very soundly," the report said.

"Father fell asleep for an extensive period of time, possibly four hours, and admits to have been drinking . . . During that time, the children were left unsupervised, resulting in the death of the younger child."

Fultz, then 23, pleaded guilty to neglect of a dependent and was sentenced to six months' home detention. No one was charged with failure to report

ARTICLE: How Indiana Children Die Needlessly (4:00 pm)

2007-07-28T16:06:00.000-04:00

What do you think might happen if mandatory reporting of suspected child abuse was placed on every U.S. citizen? I believe that lives would most definitely be saved. Our country might just be forced out of it's denial that we have a problem, if those aware of violence towards children were forced to report it. What is your opinion?

~ Joanna

Reference: http://www2.indystar.com/special/childabuse/

DEFENSELESS: HOW INDIANA CHILDREN DIE NEEDLESSLY

Few pay a price for their silence

Witnesses rarely charged, though law requires all to report signs of mistreatment.

by Tim Evans
tim.evans@indystar.com

December 9, 2002

They turned their backs to abuse and neglect.

And children died.

Yet few of these witnesses ever face criminal charges for failing to report what they have seen -- even though Indiana law requires all citizens to report suspected abuse or neglect.

Even when charges are filed, they sometimes can be dismissed because of the way the Indiana law is worded.

The Star's review of state Child Protection Services reports found many cases where witnesses should have reported mistreatment, but didn't -- with fatal results.

Indiana's reporting law has been in effect since 1977, and even now, Indiana is among fewer than 20 states that require anyone who witnesses abuse to report it.

In 2001, Child Protection Services investigated more than 63,000 reports of abuse and neglect, confirming 23,165 cases.

Despite research that shows family members suspect abuse and neglect in many cases, relatives made the call in just 15.3 percent of those verified cases, according to the state's Family and Social Services Administration.

Neighbors and friends accounted for only 4.7 percent of the confirmed reports.

But before anyone can be held accountable for failing to report, the law says that the victim must meet the state's definition of a "child in need of services."

That means the child's situation is unlikely to be addressed "without the coercive intervention of the court."

Hamilton County Prosecutor Sonia Leerkamp said that determination should not even be an issue.

But it was when she tried to prosecute a coach who remained silent after learning a team member had been abused. The coach's attorney successfully argued that, because the victim's needs were being taken care of by the family, court intervention wasn't needed.

"If that language was removed from that one portion of the statute, then we would be fine," Leerkamp said.

Added Steve Johnson, executive director of the Indiana Prosecuting Attorneys Council: "It shouldn't matter whether or not a child receives counseling or support later.

"If someone knows a child is being abused or neglected, they should be required to report it. I believe that is the real intent of the law."

Johnson said an attempt was made during the last legislative session to change the law and close the loophole, but the measure failed in a House committee. He said he expects the legislation to be introduced again next year.

Even in cases where it's clear a child is being abused or neglected, few witnesses are charged, said prosecuting attorneys from around the state.

"The question I hear," said Becky McClure, who provides legal advice for the prosecutors council, "is: 'How do I prove this?' "

Without an admission, there often is little evidence someone knew a child was being abused or neglected, said Jennings County Prosecutor Gary Smith.

And opinions of what constitutes abuse and neglect vary, sometimes widely, from person to person and community to community.

"It's easy to be an armchair quarterback and say they should have known," Smith said. "Proving it is another thing."

That leaves police and prosecutors examining each situation on a case-by-case basis.

"We have a lot of authority. And we could put a lot more people in jail than we do," Leerkamp said.

"Sometimes we make those judgment calls."

Even when there is a conviction, it doesn't carry much sting. The charge is a misdemeanor, in the same category as public intoxication, possessing a switchblade knife or vandalizing a vending machine. The maximum penalty: 180 days in jail and a $1,000 fine.

Making a false report of abuse or neglect is a more serious offense, carrying a penalty of up to a year in jail and a $5,000 fine.

The first mandatory reporting laws in the United States were enacted in 1963 and required only physicians to report. By 1967, all states had some form of reporting law.

In 1977, Indiana citizens were added to the state's network of those required to report -- joining doctors, teachers, child-care workers and police officers.

Some question the logic of requiring everyone to report.

Richard Wexler of the National Coalition for Child Protection Reform believes the laws put more children in peril by clogging the system with false and trivial reports.

"It is probably reasonable to require a narrow range of professionals within a narrow range of situations to report. When you get much beyond that, you grossly overload the system. And that can lead to missing children who really are in danger," Wexler said.

"You will miss cases either way. But when caseworkers have far more work than they can possibly handle chasing down false and trivial complaints, you miss even more real cases."

But without a report, said Victor Vieth, director of the National Center for Prosecution of Child Abuse, there is nothing to investigate.

He said that leaves the abused child without hope of protection, "save the unlikely mercy of his perpetrator."

Vieth said research shows the most serious injuries and the greatest number of deaths from battered child syndrome occur in children under the age of 3, who have little opportunity to maintain contact or visibility with others outside the home.

When reporting requirements are limited to doctors or a narrow range of professionals, there is little chance of help for those children, Vieth said.

"History teaches us that in the absence of a legal obligation, many persons with knowledge of abuse remain silent."

ARTICLE: Adults Putting Loyalty Above Child Welfare (3:30 pm)

2007-07-28T15:32:00.000-04:00

Below is the type of story you can only bare to hear about once, if that. But it isn't all too unique. Children are hurt by their parents -- family members, friends of the family, neighbors, etc., look away. In Prestina's case the outcome was deadly. If you ever find yourself questioning whether or not to report that a child is being physically abused I hope that the story below just might help you to make up your mind to do the right thing. We have a duty to our children. That should come before anything else.

The Indiana Tenderness Trail
#83. Prestina Sims

~ Joanna

Reference: http://www2.indystar.com/special/childabuse/

Prestina Sims

Adults putting loyalty above welfare of children

By Richard D. Walton
richard.walton@indystar.com

December 9, 2002

Prestina Sims was so weak she couldn't hold her head up. So Deborah Nailer attached a collar, fashioned from cardboard and a bandana. When her niece mustered a cry, Nailer took out a belt. The blows spattered blood on the wall.

Later, standing near Prestina's emaciated body, Terre Haute Police Capt. Kevin Mayes saw a burn across most of the girl's back.

Mayes mulled the imprint.

Then he noticed something on the counter.

"I looked up at that iron, and I looked down at the baby. And I said: 'My God, that iron is what did it.' "

Nineteen-month-old Prestina died in September 1999 from dehydration and malnutrition.

Fear and misplaced loyalty helped seal her fate.

"From the time she was first injured until her death were many, many days," former Terre Haute Police Chief Joe Newport said. "And no one stepped up . . . to help that baby out."

Police and child protection records obtained by The Indianapolis Star reveal that others knew or suspected prior to Prestina's death that Deborah Nailer was abusing her.

Nailer's friend, Nicole P. Lane, went on outings with Nailer knowing that the injured girl was alone back in the apartment, suffering pain that -- said a Child Protection Services report -- "no one should have to go through."

"The child suffered through torture that was preventable," the report concluded, "if only someone had called and made the report."

Kynesha Fuller, who heard the girl cry through thin apartment walls, sometimes checked on Prestina's welfare.

But she never called authorities.

Says Fuller now: "I should have done more."

Nailer, a former Indiana State University student who lived in campus housing at the time of the death, was the only one prosecuted in the fatality, despite a state law requiring anyone who suspects child abuse to report it. Vigo County Prosecutor Robert Wright said that, largely because of the difficulty in proving prior knowledge of abuse, he never has brought a failure-to-report child abuse charge in his 10 years in office.

Nailer was sentenced to 10 years in prison after pleading guilty to two counts of neglect of a dependent causing serious bodily injury. In addition to the burns, Prestina -- whose name is spelled Pristina in some documents -- sustained a broken jaw.

The baby was the daughter of Deborah Nailer's sister, Margaret Nailer, then of Chicago. At the mother's request, Nailer assumed temporary care of Prestina in early 1999.

Prestina had second- and third-degree back burns, from her waistline to her shoulders, said the Vigo County coroner, Dr. Susan Amos.

The wounds, she said, most likely occurred about two weeks before Prestina's death.

"You burn your hand on a stove or cookie sheet, that hurts. Think of an area . . . the size of a sheet of paper -- that was all scalded . . . And on your back. I mean, every time you move your arm, your shoulder, it's going to move that skin . . .

"Every time you breathe, it's . . . painful."

The burn slowly stole fluids from the baby, and she wasted away. At death, Prestina weighed 161/2 pounds; 23 to 24 pounds is normal for her age.

It did not have to be this way.

"If they had sought medical care for this burn," Amos said, "this child could have survived."

A tortured end

Time and again it happens: Adults putting loyalty to other adults -- and friendship -- above the welfare of children.

Nicole Lane at first lied to investigators to protect her friend.

Then she admitted to seeing, in those final weeks, a succession of injuries to Prestina.

Lane told police she noticed some of the girl's teeth were loose and there were cuts on her lip. She said Nailer told her Prestina had fallen.

Lane saw her swollen forehead. Nailer said the girl fell from the toilet and hit her head.

When Lane noticed marks on Prestina's neck, Nailer said they were caused by the bandana.

Nailer, who declined to be interviewed for this story, told police her niece "was lazy sometimes and she wouldn't sit up or she'd pop her head down, and then she got to the point where she just wouldn't hold it up at all."

As Prestina deteriorated, she quit minding her aunt.

"Wouldn't walk. Wouldn't eat. Wouldn't do as they told," said Lt. Jeff Bellinger of the Indiana State University police. "So she was going to discipline" the child.

"And her way was with a belt."

Nailer admitted to police that she got frustrated with Prestina and hit her with a belt or comb. "I just hit her anywhere but her head."

Nailer did not intend to hit Prestina on her back, but sometimes she struck her there accidentally, according to police statements. Her back bled because it had not healed from the burn.

"I told her if she's angry like that, take the baby home" to her mother, Lane said. "Because . . . you gonna hurt this baby."

Shortly before Nailer moved to campus, Fuller lived next door to her in Terre Haute.

She fretted about Prestina's safety.

"Deborah," Fuller told police, "was always super strict with Prestina. I called (their) apartment frequently . . . to find out why Prestina was crying."

Fuller recalled taking food to Nailer's apartment. A piece of bread was left on the plate, and Prestina grabbed it.

"This made Deborah angry. When I left the apartment, I heard Deborah discipline Prestina from approximately 9 p.m. to midnight over grabbing that piece of bread." Fuller said Prestina cried almost the entire time.

Another time, Fuller heard Nailer yelling at the baby, "and later it sounded as if she threw the baby in the tub. I heard the water splash and the baby crying. I called their apartment. . . Deborah told me that the splashing was from Deborah throwing toys in the tub and that Prestina was crying because she didn't want to get her hair washed."

Fuller told The Star that when she heard Prestina was dead, she was not surprised.

"My first thought and the first thing that came out of my mouth was: 'She finally killed her.' "

Nailer, Nicole Lane told police, was a loving person. But Nailer once confided that there was something about Prestina that brought out the worst in her.

"She said, it's somethin' inside of her . . . that comes out as if the baby has a wicked spirit in her" that "makes the baby do things that she knows is gonna push Deborah's buttons."

Nailer at first told police that Prestina had been burned accidentally with chicken grease. She later said she became distracted and the baby leaned up against the iron.

Nailer said she was concerned about the burn -- she was treating it with cocoa butter -- but was afraid to seek a doctor's care.

She feared "something would happen to her as far as child abuse or whatever."

Nicole Lane said she urged Nailer to take the baby to the hospital.

Asked by police how she felt about going on outings knowing the girl was suffering alone back in the apartment, Lane replied, "I was scared, I was really scared."

"I wasn't thinking . . . she might die."

ARTICLE: Reforms Benefiting Children Elsewhere (3:00 pm)

2007-07-28T15:02:00.000-04:00

This article helps to illustrate how vital prevention is in preventing the deaths of our children. This goes not for just Indiana, but for all states across the U.S. It should be a common goal -- one that can be accomplished if we make it a priority.

~ Joanna

Reference: http://www2.indystar.com/special/childabuse/

SHIFT IN EMPHASIS:

Reforms elsewhere benefiting children

Child advocates say Indiana must do more
to improve the safety of young Hoosiers.

By Tim Evans

tim.evans@indystar.com

December 10, 2002

Helping parents before they brutally lash out or ignore the health and safety of their children can stop abuse and neglect.

In states such as Alabama, Pennsylvania and Minnesota, programs that emphasize solving the issues that lead to abuse or neglect are making children safer.

Yet most states -- Indiana included -- fail to make prevention their top priority.

Indiana spent about $40 million in fiscal year 2001 on its Healthy Families program -- the centerpiece of its prevention efforts. But that is less than 15 percent of the more than $280 million spent on other child welfare programs.

The state put $43 million into foster care for children pulled from homes where families needed help. And it spent $30 million on adoption services for children permanently removed from families torn apart by abuse and neglect.

A true commitment to making children safer requires finding ways to shift even more money to prevention, said Richard Wexler of the National Coalition for Child Protection Reform.

He points to Allegheny County, Pa., as an example of how a new emphasis on early intervention is saving lives.

During the mid-1990s, the county that is home to Pittsburgh tripled spending on programs that reach parents before they abuse or neglect their children. And it doubled the budget for family preservation to help those who have crossed the line.

"Philosophically, we are always looking to see how we can maximize the amount of money spent on prevention," said Karen Blumen of the county's Department of Human Services.

To do that, the agency has reduced the number of children in out-of-home placements and expanded the availability of in-home services.

A similar approach has been successful in Alabama, the site of dramatic child welfare reform.

"Part of the problem is there's a failure on the part of many systems to understand that it's actually possible to develop a helping relationship with the family," said Paul Vincent, who directed changes in the state's Division of Family and Children's Service during the mid-1990s.

Vincent said two things were critical to Alabama's success: reducing the number of children in out-of-home placements and cutting the number of cases assigned to child protection workers, from as many as 40 to around 15.

With the lighter caseloads, Vincent said, "workers could finally do what they came into the field to do."

"They could actually know what was going on in their families. They could provide more intensive supports."

Caseworkers also were given more flexibility in the types of assistance they could offer families. No longer, said Vincent, did they have to shoehorn everyone into the same basic plan: "Go to parenting classes, go to counseling and get a job."

While the improvements in Pennsylvania and Alabama came out of complete system overhauls, smaller reforms also can make children safer.

The Family Services Collaboratives program in Minnesota is one model.

The project is designed to take advantage of existing community resources through better coordination.

It brings together schools, health organizations and human service agencies to help identify family issues that might not get the attention of child protection services.

The combined expertise of the different groups makes it possible to offer a unified approach to dealing with other family needs -- from providing help with parenting skills and child care, to substance abuse counseling and job training.

With reforms making children safer around the country, Andrea Marshall of Prevent Child Abuse Indiana said it is time for change in Indiana, too.

The state already has one piece of the puzzle in the Healthy Families program, said Marshall. Officials now must take more innovative steps to protect children from the physical and mental harm of abuse and neglect.

"Perpetrators of abuse and neglect consistently identify the lack of parenting information and resources as the number one reason for their neglect and abusive behavior," Marshall said.

"All we're doing right now is focusing on removing the child for a period of time, but we're not doing anything to work with that family to change it."

Marshall said that leads to children being victimized again and again. Many are scarred for life or become abusers themselves; some don't survive.

She said legislators who hold the state's purse strings must understand that abuse and neglect are legitimate health and safety issues -- just like cancer and heart disease -- and commit the necessary funding for more prevention programs.

"Healthy Families is a great program. But, once again, it's a matter of resources," Marshall said.

And abuse and neglect are not just a government problem, she said.

"It is incumbent on the rest of us to take some responsibility for changing behaviors."

ARTICLE: Neglect is Tougher to Prove (2:30 pm)

2007-07-28T14:37:00.000-04:00

This is the second article of the Indiana Series and focuses on cases of children dying as a result of neglect. Neglect is harder to prove than abuse and the surviving caretakers are often seen as "having suffered enough", despite that their negligence is the source behind of the child's death. These children still died in horrific ways. The most common causes of death in neglect cases: drownings, fires, traffic accidents and suffocations -- all preventable.

~ Joanna

Reference: http://www2.indystar.com/special/childabuse/

a lethal lapse:

Neglect is tougher to prove than abuse

Criminal charges seldom filed, partly because of sympathy
for grieving families.

An Owen County man supervising nine children at a neighborhood swimming pool takes six Vicodin painkillers and drinks several beers.

His 6-year-old nephew drowns.

In Marion County, a mother is trying to catch up on her laundry. Exhausted, she puts clean clothes in the crib and lies on the couch to sleep with her baby.

The child suffocates.

Cases of violent physical abuse may grab more headlines, but, nationally, more children die because of neglect. The toll: more than 600 children a year.

The often silent killer has claimed more than 300 Indiana children since 1990, according to the state's Family and Social Services Administration.

Abuse has claimed more children in Indiana during the past five years, but neglect has been cited in more deaths since 1990.

Those are just the deaths state officials know about.

Child advocates say a true tally is impossible because the state has no comprehensive system for reviewing all child deaths.

And in many neglect deaths -- such as the Owen and Marion county cases -- the person responsible is not prosecuted.

When they are, sentences typically are light.

That's true even when drugs and alcohol played a role, and when Child Protection Services had been involved previously.

It can be difficult to build a criminal case in a neglect death. Many police agencies have limited investigative resources and may lack the specialized skills for investigating child deaths. Evidence often is scant, and it is difficult to prove intent.

But one of the biggest factors is sympathy -- the attitude that individuals and families have suffered enough.

It's a sentiment that extends from Child Protection Services workers, to police and prosecutors, to judges and juries.

In Indiana, neglect runs the gamut from accidents to lapses of supervision. The most common causes of death in neglect cases: drownings, fires, traffic accidents and suffocations that occur when babies sleep with adults, rather than in cribs.

In those types of deaths, Child Protection Services often cites a parent or caregiver for neglect. That is a civil charge, and the most severe consequence is the removal of other children from the home.

Criminal charges are seldom filed.

Andrea Marshall, executive director of Prevent Child Abuse Indiana, said the state's accounting of neglect victims is low because all deaths are not brought to the attention of Child Protection Services.

"CPS only gets involved if they have already been working with the family, or second, if law enforcement or somebody calls them," she said.

"They don't usually call CPS in the smaller communities. They have known this family, and they've been there forever, and they see their grief, and the baby is dead.
"They don't say, who was with the baby while they drowned . . . and so, CPS never even gets told about that case because the coroner will automatically rule it as an accidental death."

A deeper, more objective investigation might have revealed neglect, she said.

"The parent may have been downstairs drinking while a 15-month-old baby was taking a bath by itself.

"That's neglect."

But proving the culpability of a parent or caregiver -- even when there were earlier indications of problems -- can be a tough call for Child Protection Services and prosecutors.

"It's easier to charge when there's physical abuse and a person -- the mom or the parent or whatever -- is responsible for that," said Wayne County Prosecutor David Kolger.

When circumstances aren't clear, prosecutors can ask a grand jury to decide whether a case merits prosecution.

Kolger turned to a grand jury in the death of 23-month-old Micha Lewis, who died after being pinned beneath a stove that fell on him while his mother, Angela, slept.

"The last thing she wanted was her kid to be hurt. But at the same time, the child wouldn't be hurt if she was awake," said Detective Michael French of the Richmond Police Department.

Micha's mother ended up serving 30 days after pleading guilty to a felony charge of neglect.

"You lost a child," French said. "Obviously, yeah, there's got to be some accountability there. So, I guess, yeah, 30 days in that case, in addition to losing your child, yeah, I'd say that's enough."

Almost a third of Indiana's neglect victims came from families where Child Protection Services had made prior findings of abuse or neglect. In those instances, case managers had already intervened -- sometimes more than once.

In other Indiana deaths, sympathy for survivors appeared to trump concern for the innocent, often helpless victims.

After a 17-year-old girl's parents learned she had delivered a baby in the bathroom of their family home in Posey County, Child Protection Services and police were called.

The mother wrapped the newborn in some towels and placed it in a wastebasket, according to a Child Protection Services report. An autopsy revealed the child was born alive.

The case manager substantiated neglect against the mother. A coroner ruled the death a homicide, and the county prosecutor charged her as a juvenile.

But a judge ruled she was not at fault. He said the young mother had suffered enough.

As a former prosecutor, child advocate Victor Vieth, director of the National Center for Prosecution of Child Abuse, understands the pain families experience with the loss of a child.

Vieth also knows how difficult it can be to prosecute neglect cases.

"Where I would draw the line?" asked Vieth.

"I ask myself: Is this person mentally ill or not? Then I say: Would a reasonable parent do this? Is it conceivable?"

If the answers are no, Vieth said, caretakers should be prosecuted.

"I think society should react, simply because a civilized society says kids matter."

By Tim Evans
tim.evans@indystar.com

December 10, 2002

ARTICLE: "Justice Often Uneven" (2:00 pm)

2007-07-28T13:55:00.000-04:00

In the below article several children currently recorded for the construction of the Indiana Tenderness Trail are listed as examples of instances where children are murdered by their parents or caregivers. But instead of getting the sentencing they deserve these parents are treated, for different reasons, as if they didn't know what they were doing despite evidence against them.

The Indiana Tenderness Trail
#80. Joshua Keller
#77. Jacob Shebish
# 67. Trichistan Parchman
#103. Corey Darnell
#91. Austin Dosch

~ Joanna

Reference: The IndyStar (http://www2.indystar.com/special/childabuse/)

Justice Often Uneven
Child homicides frequently result in less serious charges, lighter prison terms.

They take special skills to investigate, they're hard to prove -- and juries don't want to think parents could do this to their child.

The result: Child homicides in Indiana routinely are reduced to lesser charges.

It seems strange to James D. Luttrull Jr., chief deputy prosecutor for Grant County:

Often it is easier to get a murder conviction from a barroom brawl than from a child killing, "where you know it wasn't simply one blow -- one reflexive action."

Four-month-old Joshua Keller died from multiple blunt force injuries. He had recent and healing rib fractures.

"Obviously, you're probably talking about some abuse that has been going for some time," said Capt. Robert Weller of the Muncie Police Department.

Yet more than two years after Joshua's death, no one has been charged.

The investigation continues, said J. A. Cummins, chief deputy prosecutor for the Delaware County prosecutor's office. "There's no statute of limitations on murder," he said.

Luciana Schulze admitted smothering her 7-month-old son. The Vanderburgh County woman said she squeezed Austin Dosch until he quit crying. But at trial, her attorney argued the confession was coerced. The jury convicted her on the lesser charge of reckless homicide.

The judge imposed the maximum prison sentence: eight years.

With time served and good behavior, Schulze could be out next year.

"There's not a whole lot of cases that you have a flat-out confession," said Evansville Police Detective William Schafer, who investigated Austin's death. "If this was an adult -- instead of a baby -- she would have been convicted of murder."

Holding suspects accountable for children's deaths is hampered in parts of Indiana by shallow police investigations, prosecutors' willingness to plea-bargain because of weak evidence, and coroners with scant expertise -- or experience -- in investigating child deaths.

Coroners from some smaller counties can go years without seeing a child death, said Dick Alfeld, chief investigator for the Allen County coroner's office.

Then -- when they finally get one -- "They don't know what the hell to do."

A murder charge requires prosecutors to prove a person knowingly or intentionally killed, a high legal hurdle. To give prosecutors another tool, the Indiana General Assembly created a new class of battery for cases in which an assault by an adult on a child younger than 14 results in death.

With battery, a prosecutor need only show that a person knowingly or intentionally touched another person in a rude, insolent or angry manner.

The prison term for the new offense: 20 to 50 years, compared with 45 to 65 for murder.

But the law -- which took effect last year -- came too late for many children.

David Hawkins was charged with murder in the February 2000 shaking death of his 4-month-old godson, Jacob Shebish, in Lake County. Hawkins pleaded guilty to reckless homicide. He could get out of prison next year after serving roughly four years.

A baby's tears

Jonathan Parchman did not want his baby moving around in his crib. So he devised what he called "The Trap."

The Vanderburgh County man put a pillow between Trichistan [Parchman's] legs, then cinched a belt around the baby and the crib rails.

For hours at a time, the boy lay virtually motionless, able to move only his head.

At first, Trichistan cried.

Then he seemed to grow accustomed to his bondage, said Vanderburgh County Deputy Prosecutor Jonathan Parkhurst.

On Jan. 23, 2001, Parchman put the 10-month-old down for a nap. When the man checked on the baby, Trichistan's mother, Amanda Parchman, heard a slap coming from that room.

Then came a "strong, painful" cry.

Trichistan died from a head injury. Bruising on the top of his head matched the knuckles of a human fist.

Prosecutors charged Jonathan Parchman with murder.

Again, an Indiana jury convicted on lesser charges -- in this case, involuntary manslaughter and neglect of a dependent child.

The defendant got eight years.

He could get out in January 2005.

To Deputy Prosecutor Dawnya Taylor, the prison time seems more of an "inconvenience" for Jonathan Parchman than justice for a tortured child.

Unique challenge

A child abuse death scene is like no other.

Often there is no blood evidence. No gun or knife was left behind.

The only witness to the crime: the person who committed it.

When the death-scene investigation is done right, investigators videotape the entire house, obtain the clothes last worn by the victim, seize the child's bedding and search laundry hampers and trash cans for items that were thrown away.

A time line is constructed of the child's final hours.

This can show, for example, that a parent delayed seeking medical care for the child, helping to prove intent to harm.

Much can be learned from surviving siblings as young as 3 years old, provided police know how to talk with them.

"You got to take the pronouns out of your sentences; you got to avoid double negatives," said Victor Vieth, director of the National Center for Prosecution of Child Abuse in Alexandria, Va.

"You got to listen to the child's words, and whatever the child's words are, those are the words that you have to repeat."

Sometimes, siblings can place the abuser at the scene near the time of death, said James Brown, a juvenile division detective with the Los Angeles Police Department.

"Where was Mommy? Mommy was at work. Where was Daddy? Daddy was home."

In a 1997 child death case in Clinton County, the 5-year-old brother of the victim told police his sibling had been crying a lot and that their dad had shaken him. According to a Child Protection Services report, the boy recalled it was light outside. He was playing with his trucks.

The youngster demonstrated on a Sesame Street doll how his brother "was grabbed around the waist with both hands and shook vigorously."

The father, Robert Darnell, later admitted shaking his 4-month-old son, Corey Darnell, as he sat in a baby seat.

Darnell was convicted of reckless homicide.

By contrast, superficial police work can set back efforts to find the truth.

Annie Groves, chief deputy coroner for Vanderburgh County, recalled the day-care center death of a child from a smaller county. An autopsy was performed in Vanderburgh. Police officers from the other county attended the procedure.

When Groves asked them questions about the death, they knew nothing.

"They hadn't been to the home. They hadn't interviewed day-care personnel. They had no clue what the baby was sleeping on," Groves said.

"They had done no investigation."

Among child deaths, infant fatalities are the hardest to prosecute, says Cummins, of the Delaware County prosecutor's office.

With the death of an older child, interviews with teachers or classmates may point to the origin of injuries. "You'd have records from a school nurse, where they came to school that day and they weren't feeling well and the nurse observed some bruising," he said.

But infants typically come in contact only with close family members, Cummins said.

"When you have more than one person who is a suspect, then how do you prove who did it?"

A matter of denial

Austin Dosch's mom averted punishment for her son's death until around the first anniversary of the July 1998 tragedy.

Then Luciana Schulze was arrested on a theft charge.

Other prisoners in the jail heard her crying and talking about a baby.

Schulze later told police she became frustrated with Austin's crying. "The more he cried, the tighter I squeezed," she said.

She wept as she spoke. After the officer left the room, her tears dried, Detective Schafer said.

She "stands up, starts adjusting her hair in the mirror."

The officer who questioned Schulze used soothing language, telling her, "You're not a bad person. We want to help you." Schulze's attorney said the detective took advantage of his client, who has an eighth-grade education.

The jury -- in convicting Schulze of reckless homicide -- passed on a charge of murder.

James Brown, the detective with the Los Angeles Police Department, is familiar with jurors' reluctance to mete out harsh punishment to caregivers.

"Not only does a prosecutor in a child abuse case have to get beyond reasonable doubt, which is the legal standard.

"We have to get beyond 12 denials."

By Richard D. Walton
richard.walton@indystar.com
December 10, 2002

Stanley Milgrams Famous Experiment (1:30pm)

2007-07-28T13:33:00.000-04:00

You may have heard of this experiment and it's findings. However, many of us haven't, so I highly advise reading the information below. Which do you think you'd fall into: The 60% who are prone to listen blindly to orders, or the 40% who know better?

"Many people are willing to obey destructive orders that conflict with their moral principles and commit acts which they would not carry out on their own initiative. Once people have accepted the right of an authority to direct our actions, we relinquish responsibility to him or her and allow that person to define for us what is right or wrong. The implications of this are great in understanding of the Holocaust."

The Tenderness Trail: Children Murdered in Nazi Germany

Reference: Psychology Matters (http://www.psychologymatters.org/milgram.html)

Obeying and Resisting Malevolent Orders

Stanley Milgram's famous experiment highlights the powerful human tendency to obey authority

Findings

Would you obey orders to hurt an innocent individual-even when the authority issuing them has no coercive means to enforce his or her commands? On the basis of one of the 20th century's most important and controversial pieces of research, chances are that you would. In the early 1960s, Yale social psychologist Stanley Milgram, PhD, conducted an experiment whose purpose was supposedly to study the effects of punishment on learning. The experimenter told the subject that his job was to teach a learner in an adjacent room to memorize a list of word-pairs, and every time the learner made an error, the teacher-subject was to punish the learner by giving him increasingly severe shocks by pressing levers on a shock machine. There were 30 levers whose shock values ranged from a low of 15 volts to the maximum of 450 volts. (In actuality, no electric shock was involved. The "learner" was an actor who only pretended receiving them, but the subject did not know this.) Despite the learner's increasingly pitiful screams and pleas to stop, a majority of subjects (over 60%) obeyed the experimenter's commands to continue and ended up giving the maximum "shock" of 450 volts.

Significance

We did not need Milgram's research to inform us that people have a propensity to obey authority; what it did enlighten us about is the surprising strength of that tendency-that many people are willing to obey destructive orders that conflict with their moral principles and commit acts which they would not carry out on their own initiative. Once people have accepted the right of an authority to direct our actions, Milgram argued, we relinquish responsibility to him or her and allow that person to define for us what is right or wrong.

Practical Application

Milgram's discovery about the unexpectedly powerful human tendency to obey authorities can be applied to real life in several different ways. First, it provides a reference point for certain phenomena that, on the face of it, strain our understanding-thereby, making them more plausible. Clearly, the implications of Milgram's research have been greatest for understanding of the Holocaust. For example, a historian, describing the behavior of a Nazi mobile unit roaming the Polish countryside that killed 38,000 Jews in cold blood at the bidding of their commander, concluded that "many of Milgram's insights find graphic confirmation in the behavior and testimony of the men of Reserve Police Battalion 101."

Second, in his obedience studies, Milgram obtained a rare kind of result-one that people can apply to themselves to change their behavior, or at least to gain greater insight into themselves. Countless people who have learned about the obedience research have been better able to stand up against arbitrary or unjust authority.

Third, the obedience experiments have been widely used in various domains to create broader organizational changes in large segments of society. Some textbooks on business ethics have used those experiments to warn students about the unethical demands that might be made on them by their bosses in the business world. Also, several Supreme Court briefs, as well as over 180 law reviews have referenced them. A frequent argument contained in these sources is that laws requiring police officers to obtain voluntary consent to conduct searches are essentially toothless. Drawing on Milgram's findings, they argue that, given our extreme readiness to obey authority, a person is not very likely to question a police officer's right to search him or his house when he is requested to. Perhaps the most consequential use of the obedience studies by the legal profession was during a South African trial in the late 1980s of 13 defendants accused of murder during mob actions. Expert testimony that obedience to authority and other social-psychological processes were extenuating circumstances, resulted in 9 of the 13 defendants' being spared the death penalty.

A fourth, and final, application of Milgram's research is that it suggests specific preventive actions people can take to resist unwanted pressures from authorities:

Question the authority's legitimacy. We often give too wide a berth to people who project a commanding presence, either by their demeanor or by their mode of dress and follow their orders even in contexts irrelevant to their authority. For example, one study found that wearing a fireman's uniform significantly increased a person's persuasive powers to get a passerby to give change to another person so he could feed a parking meter.
When instructed to carry out an act you find abhorrent, even by a legitimate authority, stop and ask yourself: "Is this something I would do on my own initiative?" The answer may well be "No," because, according to Milgram, moral considerations play a role in acts carried out under one's own steam, but not when they emanate from an authority's commands.
Don't even start to comply with commands you feel even slightly uneasy about. Acquiescence to the commands of an authority that are only mildly objectionable is often, as in Milgram's experiments, the beginning of a step-by-step, escalating process of entrapment. The farther one moves along the continuum of increasingly destructive acts, the harder it is to extract oneself from the commanding authority's grip, because to do so is to confront the fact that the earlier acts of compliance were wrong.
If you are part of a group that has been commanded to carry out immoral actions, find an ally in the group who shares your perceptions and is willing to join you in opposing the objectionable commands. It is tremendously difficult to be a lone dissenter, not only because of the strong human need to belong, but also because-via the process of pluralistic ignorance-the compliance of others makes the action seem acceptable and leads you to question your own negative judgment. In one of Milgram's conditions the naïve subject was one of a 3-person teaching team. The other two were actually confederates who-one after another-refused to continue shocking the victim. Their defiance had a liberating influence on the subjects, so that only 10% of them ended up giving the maximum shock.

Cited Research

Milgram, S. (1963). Behavioral study of obedience. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, Vol. 67, pp. 371-78.

Milgram, S. (1974). Obedience to authority: An experimental view. New York: Harper & Row.

Blass, T (2004). The man who shocked the world: The life and legacy of Stanley Milgram. New York: Basic Books.

Additional Sources

Barrio, A. J. (1997). Rethinking Schneckloth v. Bustamonte: Incorporating obedience theory into the Supreme Court's conception of voluntary consent. University of Illinois Law Review, 1997, pp. 225-251.

Browning, C. (1992). Ordinary men: Reserve Police Battalion 101 and the final solution in Poland. New York: Harper/Collins.

Bushman, B. J. (1984). Perceived symbols of authority and their influence on compliance. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, Vol. 14, pp. 501-508.

Colman, A. M. (1991). Crowd psychology in South African murder trials. American Psychologist, Vol. 46, pp. 1071-1079.

Ferrell, O. C. & Gardiner, G. (1991). In pursuit of ethics: Tough choices in the world of work. Springfield, IL: Smith Collins.

Gray, S. (2004, March 30). Bizarre hoaxes on restaurants trigger lawsuits. The Wall Street Journal, pp. B1-B2.

Modigliani, A. & Rochat, F. (1995). The role of interaction sequences and the timing of resistance in shaping obedience and defiance to authority. Journal of Social Issues, Vol. 51 (3), pp. 107-123.

Poirier, S. & Garlepy, Y. (1996). Compensation in Canada for resolving drug-related problems. Journal of the American Pharmaceutical Association, Vol. 36, pp. 117-122.

The Stanley Milgram website: http://www.stanleymilgram.com

American Psychological Association, May 25, 2004

Forgiveness: Dr. Hans Munch (1:00 pm)

2007-07-28T13:07:00.000-04:00

This article offers some very unique insight into one of the worst examples of human destruction in our present history. Here is a doctor who worked in Auschwitz and yet who is described by one prisoner as "...friendly, showed personal interest in people, never humiliated anyone. He seemed oddly out of place." (Micheels, 101).

Who would have ever imagined it possible? I really found this comforting, that in the midst of all this human suffering there was someone who stuck to being "human".

~ Joanna

Reference: The Jewish Virtual Library (http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/)

Hans Münch

Dr. Hans Münch was written about in "The Nazi Doctors" by Robert Jay Lifton and described as "a human being in an SS uniform" (Lifton 303). It was not until 1995 that my acquaintance with Dr. Münch began.

Dr. Münch had been interviewed by Eva Mozes Kor in 1993. She had found a statement in a Justice Department Report on Josef Mengele that referred to a visit made to Münch by Mengele's son and the family attorney. At that visit, supposedly, Münch was asked whether or not he thought Mengele would have to stand trial and would he be found guilty if he did stand trial. Mrs. Kor felt this was very strange. Mengele's body had been reported as having been found in South America in 1979. Autopsies by leading pathologists had confirmed his death. If Mengele was dead, why was his family asking what would happen if he were to stand trial? Mrs. Kor contacted ZDF in Germany and arranged an interview and meeting with Dr. Münch.

When she visited Dr. Münch, she was quite impressed with the kindness of the man. He talked about his experiences at Auschwitz and verified he did know Mengele. He told Mrs. Kor at that visit that he thought Mengele was probably still alive or the inquiry would never have been made.

At that meeting, Mrs. Kor described Münch as "very kind, very considerate". After he answered Kor's questions regarding Dr. Mengele, she wanted to know what he knew about Auschwitz, if he, by any chance, knew something about the operation of the gas chambers, and she asked him and he said, "This is the nightmare I live with." He said, "I had to watch the operation of the gas chambers and then, when the bodies were dead, I had to sign the death certificates."

When she began preparations for her return to Auschwitz for the 50th observation of the liberation, she called Münch and asked him to come with her. She also asked him to sign a document about the existence of the gas chambers. As an SS doctor at Auschwitz, she believed this would definitely establish the reality of the gas chambers and the deaths there. He agreed to do so.

His history is relevant here to help readers understand why he would sign such a document. Münch had become associated with the party in his student days because it was not possible to hold on to a job without party membership. As he completed his medical studies, he began to believe that it was necessary to participate in an officially sponsored organization (Lifton 314). He became active in a scientific society and was drawn into a competition for finding an "indigenous German product that could be used for a culture medium in bacteriological work." which he won. With the success of that effort, Münch received praise from the party and took a leadership role in advising scientific teams on what could be grown in certain Bavarian forests and what must be cut down to promote such growth (Lifton 314). He received a prize from the Nazi party. As a result, he did join the Party, was awarded an assistantship and a hospital position at the university and allowed to retain his position in the bacteriological department. When the war broke out he began practicing general medicine in his village and the surrounding area. He was declared "essential" and was not to be drafted. However, swept up by the patriotic fervor of the Germans, he began to pursue enlistment.

Münch described his efforts to join the army in an interview for CANDLES in 1995: " When I was at home, I didn't have to go to war. I volunteered because I believed in the propaganda. First of all because I thought if all others risked their lives for Germany, then it wasn't right for a young person like me to live like I did with a family, in a nice part of the country, with a good profession and everything you could hope when times were bad. I volunteered and that's how I ended up in the SS, you know?

"I often drove to Munich in an attempt to join the military. And the last time I ran into an old friend whom I had not seen for 15 years since we attended school together. We talked. "How are you, what you doing these days?" He answered, "I'm well off, I have a job with the government." And I told him then that I wanted to join the armed forces but found it impossible to succeed. He answered, "Oh, I can arrange that. You should join the SS, that will work well." When I joined I was told that everything had been arranged, you'll have to go near Krakow. Nobody said anything about a concentration camp."

While Münch admits that he had heard of Dachau and maybe one or two camps in northern Germany, he claimed he was totally unprepared for what he found at Auschwitz. According to Lifton, when he arrived at the camp with his wife (who had been visiting him at his previous assignment) and drove through the camp, they were shocked by what they saw (Lifton 304). Münch's wife was to leave the camp and return to the home in Germany.

Münch was assigned to the Hygiene Institute of the Waffen SS which was about 3-4 km. outside the Auschwitz camp. There he was to work under Dr. Bruno Weber, the friend who had secured his assignment there. Münch was assigned to bacteriological research, an area where he had experience.

After assignment to the Auschwitz camp, Münch soon learned about the camp and what went on there. "You had to sign a lot: that was top secret. That was just a formality. And then my boss arrived. And as I said before I had known him earlier, we had worked together in the same laboratory, and he told me everything, what it is all about in Auschwitz, and I could not understand how he could stay, how he could endure all of it."

Münch proved to be an unusual Nazi in his work at the Hygiene Institute of the Waffen SS at Raisko. One prisoner who worked with him on a daily basis described him thus: "He was friendly, showed personal interest in people, never humiliated anyone. He seemed oddly out of place." (Micheels, 101)

At the Institute, Münch was involved in experiments with typhus. He was also responsible for "keeping the barracks more healthy". In that role he did visit the camp, on occasion. His primary work, however, was done at the Institute. At the institute, he quickly established himself as "unusual".

"It was a special company - scientific - all professors and doctors and all specialists. And they had better food and they got better food from the chief of staff who brought me there."

"On Monday, in the morning, as the working day started, a company of 100 inmates marched in with lots of commands, standing in a single file. I went downstairs, shook their hands and spoke with them and so forth...someone nudged me, that my behavior was unacceptable...that's where I saw for the first time what the situation was..."

Münch began his work at the Institute but was soon called upon to expand his duties.

"The doctor at headquarters, that is the chief of the medical staff at Auschwitz, told me that I had to cooperate, three times a week or whatever, had to spend one night making selections...I went to Berlin immediately to the head of the hygiene institute and told him "I cannot do it. I will not do it, regardless of the consequences." And, he said, "Yes, he can understand, and he'll talk with the camp commander and the chief of staff at Auschwitz."

With this move, Münch removed himself from making selections. And, more importantly, it proves that one could defy the Nazi authority without suffering severe consequences.

Münch continued his work and soon realized that the women prisoners involved in the experiments were expendable. He soon learned that being a guinea pig meant death, the Nazis wanted no eyewitness left alive, including the women being used as guinea pigs.

"These women were special women. The people in charge of the camp wanted them out and said, "Enough is enough. You can't use them any more."

But Münch - who was to be known as the humane Nazi - could not accept that.

"We thought about it for a while and adopted a method, found a way that was sure to be harmless, was significant, what was sure to be approved by Himmler. He would approve almost anything."

As a result, Münch began to expand the experiments and prolong them to keep the women involved.

"And so the inmates in the camp they all believed that the experiments were conducted "as usual". . . exactly as they had always been done. And we made sure that they believed it was so."

What Münch did was verified by these prisoners when he was tried for War Crimes in Krakow, Poland, in 1946.

Münch also made efforts to make prisoners' lives more bearable. One prisoner, Dr. Louis Micheels, wrote of becoming very ill in the summer of 1944 when his appendix burst. He wrote of visits from Münch and interpreting those visits as indication that he was to survive and return to the lab at Raisko. After five weeks he did return to the hospital but found himself weakened by his condition and a lack of food. On his first day back, Münch approached him and announced, "You must stop now, eat some of this." He pulled a sausage out of his pocket and ordered Micheels to go outside and rest. Micheels fell asleep in the warm sun. Awakened by a guard, Micheels told him that Münch had ordered himself outside to rest. The guard left, grumbling. Later, Münch appeared and asked Micheels to rest in an out-of-the-way spot. Micheels words were "The whole business was strange, an S.S. officer protecting me from his underlings." (Micheels 124)

When the Nazis fled Auschwitz, Micheels with others was force marched from the camp. They arrived at Gross Rosen. After two days there they were put on a train and taken to Dachau. To Micheels' surprise, Weber and Münch appeared one afternoon towards the end of their first week there and compiled a list of former workers at the Raisko Institute. Two days later they were moved to a less crowded barrack. They soon resumed duties in the laboratory. As Allied troops approached Auschwitz, Münch met with Micheels and two Dutch friends. (Micheels book, page 144)

"Just as the war was obviously moving into its final phase, we at the lab, all Jews, were given the unwelcome news that we were scheduled for transportation to an unknown destination....We decided to talk to Münch. He shared our reluctance to go on another transport to nowhere and offered some possible or impossible plans for escape. One was that he would take us through the gate and then provide us with SS uniforms. We decided that we would probably stand a much better chance if we went with the transport and later escaped in the mountains, closer to Switzerland. To prove his good will, he gave us a revolver and ammunition, in case we had to shoot our way out. He shook hands with each of us and wished us early freedom. That was the last I saw of him.." (Micheels, 145).

Dr. Münch went home to his village and surrendered to the authorities in 1946. He was tried and acquitted of any war crimes in 1947, after spending nearly a year in prison.. Letters from surviving Jews confirmed that Münch did not make selections and set up bogus experiments and prolonged them in order to save prisoners' lives. Dr. Louis Micheels, the prisoner who had worked with Münch at both Auschwitz and Dachau, was among those who wrote to the former Chief Administrator of the Hygiene Institute - Paul Reichel - attesting to Münch's behavior at Auschwitz as being "very different from usually hateful SS officers." It was Micheel's letter and others collected by Reichel that ultimately led to Münch's acquittal by the War Crimes Tribunal in Krakow after the war.

Statements by former prisoner Dr. Louis Micheels helped vindicate Munch: "Münch, an SS doctor in Auschwitz, the only one who had been consistently helpful to prisoners...was arrested and was the only one of forty SS arraigned before a Polish tribunal who was acquitted, thanks to the testimony of former prisoners whom he had befriended."

For many years neither Münch nor his wife said much to his children about his Auschwitz experiences. They only knew he had stood trial and had been found innocent.

Of those times, his son said, "Mother was a person who didn't want to talk about that; she wants to keep it away from the children, and I think my father was somewhat paralyzed. He could not talk very much to his children about what he saw and felt. But, imagine if my father would not have done these things, he would have been condemned and he would have been hanged like the other 40 doctors from Auschwitz."

Of those times, Münch himself has said, " I was there...and all that had seen me no one said: "You've done terrible things" But I have a bad conscience when I think, one could have done more. But afterwards it's tough to talk about it. You can hardly do anything about it. It's not a good feeling. As a German you are in a bad situation. When you see other people not always behave like that, then you feel better and say to yourself, That's my fate, you can't escape it. But I did what I could."

Münch's daughter, Ruli, confirms these feelings of her father's, " I was very fortunate belonging to that small group which didn't have to feel guilty. I felt guilty at the beginning for my people, but in a way for myself, I didn't feel guilty because I know my father, as much as he could, had helped people."

By 1995, Eva Mozes Kor, CANDLES founder, was trying to figure out some way to deal with her past. Through the years, Kor had suffered because of her early experiences. Her daughter noted, "It bothered my mother. When our house would get corned at Halloween, it was awful. Halloween was just hell to her. She tried to explain it to the neighbors. She couldn't explain how it took her back to the time when she was a child and "Nazi hooligans" surrounded her home in Hungary and harassed the family for hours."

Her son noted, "My mother even chased them away from the house. They didn't understand."

Kor suffered through her bad times. In 1977 when the television mini series, Holocaust, was produced, she was asked to appear on local television and tell her story. She found that at that time people began to understand what she had endured and experienced and she then began to talk. She wanted people to know what hatred and prejudice had done. In 1984 she began to look for the other twins used in the experiments at Auschwitz, hoping to find out what had been done to the Mengele twins. As she spoke and pursued her past, she began to work out the complex myriad of feelings that had been hidden inside all those years.

When she met Münch, she was surprised at that visit in August of 1993, she thought about the significance of Münch's statement "This is the nightmare I live with" and then said, "Dr. Münch, I really need a favor from you. The 1995 fifty years to the liberation of the camp is coming up and it would be wonderful if you could go with me and sign a document just exactly about what you told me about the existence of the gas chambers. I said that it would be you as an SS doctor at Auschwitz who could help us accomplish this."

Münch agreed and plans were made for a reunion of the Mengele twin and Nazi doctor at Auschwitz in 1995. By 1995, Eva's years of speaking out and soul searching had finally given her an inner peace ...a desire to put the experiences behind her...

"When I met Dr. Münch and he was willing to go to Auschwitz, I thought it would be nice just for my own sanity to sign an amnesty - if I somehow would be that lucky that that information would go to the people who need to hear about it, then we might remove the political strain and maybe some other Nazi criminal will come forward to testify."

Kor also found that by forgiving those who had taken away her family and her childhood, she was taking charge of her own feelings for the first time in years. She found she was in control. She was not being driven by hatred or by any other emotion. She believed she was finally free.

In Dr. Hans Münch she found a person who also wanted to find peace. And so, at the remains of one of a gas chambers...a place where so many had died...on January 27, 1995, the fiftieth observance of the liberation of Auschwitz, Eva Mozes Kor and Dr. Hans Münch signed documents...hers a document which forgave the Nazis, his a document which verified that the gas chambers had existed...Eva read both documents...as media personnel and other survivors gathered at the site.

Those documents, in part, read as follows:

"I...Dr. Hans Münch hereby attest that as an SS physician on duty in Auschwitz in 1944, I witnessed the selection process of those who were to live and those who were to die. Other SS physicians on duty in the camps made selections at the barracks. I was exempt from performing selections because I had refused to do so.

I further attest that I saw thousands of people gassed here at Auschwitz. Children, old people, the sick and those unable to work were sent to the gas chambers. These were innocent human beings: Jews, Gypsies, Homosexuals, Hitler's political opponents...anyone who did not fit Hitler's idea of a pure Aryan race.

I am signing this paper of my own free will to help document the cruel intolerance of my fellow SS.

I, a former SS Physician, witnessed the dropping of Zyklon B into simulated exhaust vents from outside the gas chambers. Zyklon B began to work as soon as it was released from the canisters. The effects of the gas were observed through a peephole by an assigned doctor of the SS officer on duty. After three to five minutes, death could be certified, and the doors were opened as a sign that the corpses were cleared to be burned.

This is the nightmare I continue to live with fifty years later.

I am so sorry that in some way I was part of it. Under the prevailing circumstances I did the best I could to save as many lives as possible. Joining the SS was a mistake. I was young. I was an opportunist. And once I joined, there was no way out."

"I..Eva Mozes Kor, in my name only and as a twin who survived Josef Mengele's experiments at Auschwitz fifty years ago, hereby give amnesty to all Nazi's who participated directly or indirectly in the murder of my family and millions of others.
I extend this amnesty to all governments who protected Nazi criminals for fifty years, then covered up their acts, and covered up their cover up. Fifty years after liberation from Auschwitz, I Eva Mozes Kor, in my name only, give this amnesty because it is time to go on; it is time to heal our souls; it is time to forgive, but never forget; it is time to open up all the classified and personal files not only for the sake of history but to alleviate human suffering.
I as a Citizen of the Free World declare here in Auschwitz that I have the human right to locate my Auschwitz files so I know what germs and chemicals were injected into my body fifty years ago.
I expect the leaders of the world to put politics aside and, for the sake of all humanity, assist us in getting our files. Help us make it possible for every Mengele Guinea Pig, for every survivor to find their files, their stories, their pasts.
I, the only living member of a very large family, in their name and mine appeal to the U.S. Congress, to the Israel Knesset, the German legislators, and others who have the power to pass laws dismantling all Nazi-related investigative units, such as the URLs, Justice Department Office of Special Investigations, and open up all Nazi files to survivors and the public.
Look up to the skies here in Auschwitz. The souls of millions of victims are with us and I am saying, with them as witness: Enough is Enough. Fifty years is more than enough. I am healed inside, therefore it gives me no joy to see any Nazi criminal in jail, nor do I want to see any harm come to Josef Mengele, the Mengele Family or their business corporations.
I urge all former Nazis to come forward and testify to the crimes they have committed without any fear of further persecution. Here in Auschwitz, I hope in some small way to send the world a message of forgiveness, a message of peace, a message of hope, a message of healing. No more wars...no more experiments without informed consent...no more gas chambers...no more bombs...no more hatred...no more killing...no more Auschwitzes."

Today the two families are in agreement about the strength of the experiences that they all had at Auschwitz and the message of the Mengele twin and the Nazi Doctor:

Alex, Eva's son: "At some point in your life, you have to let bygones be bygones. I don't feel anger toward my parents, toward Germans."

Iris, Münch's granddaughter, "His main purpose is for people to hear about what happened at Auschwitz, he wants everyone to hear about it...his experiences, the Jews' experiences, we can't forget it...it's already happening in lots of different places in the world.

Ruli, Münch's daughter, "He has always wanted to say to the Germans, to the world, Please don't do that again. He wants to make it clear that this has happened and should never happen again.

Rina, Eva's daughter, "For those who say it's not useful, it isn't good, there's so much to be learned It is always good to be reminded of how easily people can be led to do anything which is the scariest thing. It's human history and the biggest lesson, of course, is that it can very, very easily happen in another time, in another country to a different group. It has happened, and, unfortunately, will happen again.

Gigo, Münch's son, "I feel he carries guilt. I feel he must speak about these things, and that is very important for him now. I feel it is very usual for him to do this. I think it is very normal. I don't think we need heroes, I think we need normal people who are not opportune. Maybe everyone can't be a hero; sometimes there will be heroes, okay, but should such a problem like the Holocaust come again, we need people who are not opportune, people who don't work against the heroes."

Meeting Dr. Hans Münch was a Holocaust experience for me. I believed there were no "good Nazis" until I met him. I can not deny that he was a Nazi. But, I can accept that he tried to do what he could, that others who were there testified that they would not be alive were it not for him, and I can believe, having met him, that he made the best choice he could make at the time. Swept up by the fervor of the Hitler years and patriotic enthusiasm, he did join the Nazi party. However, when placed in a dishonorable position, he did the best he could to remain honorable.

Before I could make such a statement, I have done extensive research on this Nazi, Dr. Hans Münch. I have read the testimony of the Krakow trials and the verdict of that court. I have found references to him in several biographies, all of which refer to him as kind. I have talked to Dr. Micheels. I believe he was a good man, and he tried to do something.

THE ONLY THING NECESSARY FOR EVIL TO TRIUMPH IS FOR GOOD PEOPLE TO DO NOTHING.

- Mary Wright, Education Director Jewish Virtual Library A Division of The American-Israeli Cooperative Enterprise

Documentary: Forgiving Dr. Mengele (12:30 pm)

2007-07-28T12:30:00.000-04:00

If I had the money I would most definitely purchase this movie. I find it so completely intriguing that this women, after so much pain, somehow found it in her to forgive this monster of a human being. Not to free him of course. But rather to free herself of the anger and hatred she must have felt toward him for so long. I do believe in forgiveness but I can't begin to imagine what this woman went through and what it took to forgive in her case. I can only marvel at her strength.

~ Joanna

Forgiving Dr. Mengele

Could you forgive a war criminal? Could you forgive your worst enemy if it released you from your past trauma?

FORGIVING DR. MENGELE tells the story of a shocking act of forgiveness by Auschwitz survivor Eva Mozes Kor and the firestorm of criticism it has provoked.

Eva and her twin sister, Miriam, were victims of Nazi doctor Josef Mengele's cruel genetic experiments--an experience that would haunt them their entire lives. We follow Eva's metamorphosis from embittered survivor to tireless advocate for reconciliation. This unexpected transformation was sparked when Eva, in an attempt to get information about the experiments, met with another former Auschwitz doctor.

Eva's ideas about justice, revenge and the possibility of healing through forgiveness--as well as the passionate opposition from other survivors--become a window to a larger discussion of the many ways people define forgiveness.

"Highly Recommended!"—New York Magazine

"Surprisingly uplifting...impossible not to be moved."—The New York Times

"Riveting!"—The Village Voice

"A genuinely thoughtful vehicle for discussion, debate and real thought."—Jewish Week

"Inspirational! Well worth the viewing."—Hollywood Report Card

"Takes one's breath away."—Der Spiegel

"Gets us to think twice about the true meaning of the phrase 'forgive and forget'."—Orlando Weekly

Eva Mozes Kor (Founder of CANDLES ~ 12 Noon)

2007-07-28T12:02:00.001-04:00

Eva Mozes is a profound example of what it means to survive. After falling witness to such suffering she actually found a way to forgive the individual behind it all. I've included the information below because I think she is an inspiration in showing us here today what it means to move forward, and to heal. I also find it ironic that today she herself lives in Indiana - the home state of the first living Tenderness Trail.

~ Joanna

Blogathon 2007 ~ Hour #3

REFERENCE: The CANDLES Holocaust Museum & Education Center (http://www.candlesmuseum.org/)

Eva Mozes Kor

EARLY LIFE
Eva Mozes was born in the small village of Portz, Romania, on Jan. 30, 1934. Her father went the next day to the near by village of Marca to register the birth of Eva and her identical twin, Miriam.

In March of 1944, when the girls were ten, the family was told by Hungarian gendarmes to gather some belongings because they were going to be relocated. They were taken to a ghetto in Simleul Silvanei and then later deported to Auschwitz Concentration Camp.

On the selection platform at Auschwitz, the girls were identified as twins and taken to join other twins who were to become part of the Dr. Josef Mengele’s medical experiments. As twins, they were nature’s natural guinea pigs. One child was used as a control and the other had experiments conducted on her/him. If a twin died, the other twin was killed by an injection into the heart and comparative autopsies were done on the two.

LIBERATION
After the liberation of the camp, Eva and Miriam were the first two twins in the film taken by the Soviets and are often shown in footage about the Holocaust. They spent about 9 months in DP camps before finally arriving back home. A cousin who had survived the camps was there, farming the land. He told the girls that an aunt in Cluj, Romania, was looking for them. They were taken to Cluj where they lived with the aunt.

In 1950 they received visas for Israel and went there. They became members of a kibbutz, populated mostly by orphans. In 1952, they both joined the Israeli Army. Eva studied drafting and Miriam became a nurse.

In 1960, Eva married an American tourist, Michael Kor, also a concentration camp survivor, and came to the United States, settling in Terre Haute, Indiana, where Mickey had already established himself as a pharmacist.

RETURN TO AUSCHWITZ
Eva and Miriam returned to Auschwitz to re-unite the Mengele twins. Miriam died in 1993 of a rare form of cancer, brought on Eva believes, by the experiments. Eva has two children, Alex and Rina. Today in addition to working as a real estate agent, she devotes much of her time to speaking about what happened to her and to managing the C.A.N.D.L.E.S. Museum. The Museum is devoted to the Mengele twins who survived the horrible experiments of Dr. Mengele.

EVA TODAY
Eva firmly believes that in our own way, we each can make a difference. She is making a difference by helping people understand what hatred and prejudice can do. Eva is available to speak for your school, club or organization. There is a fee charged. Contact her through the e-mail at this site or at C.A.N.D.L.E.S. 1532 S. Third St. Terre Haute, Indiana 47802. More Information on Eva's decision to Forgive Mengele in order to heal herself can be found here.

Awards and Honors

Eva Mozes Kor:

1985-News Woman of the year voted by the Israeli Press.

1985-Jewish Activism Award by News & Views, a Jewish radio station in New York.

1991-Emmy Award. regional, for co-producing the video, C.A.N.D.L.E.S.

1995-Woman of Valor by the Terre Haute Jewish Community.

2004-January, Martin Luther King Spirit of Justice Award.

2004-January, Gibault Exellence Award, Education Sector.

2004-April, Americanism Award by the Daughters of the American Revolution.

2005-January, Sagamore of the Wabash by Governor Joe Kernan.

2005-November, Keeper of the Light, a Woman Torch Bearer Award.

2006-Hoosier Heroes Award by Indiana Dollars for Scholars.

Donating Tenderness

Event Index

Conclusion (9:00 am -- 24th HOUR!)

Closing Poem (8:30 am)

POMC Inc. National Song: "We Are Survivors" (8:00 am)

Protecting America's Children: A National Message Mural (7:30 am)

Protecting America's Children: A National Message Mural

David Carr Jr., Saxophonist (7:00 am)

The CWLA Children's Memorial Flag Initiative (6:30 am)

Children's Memorial Flag

The CWLA Children's Memorial Flag Initiative

Further the Cause

Stay Connected

Justice For Murdered Children (JFMC.org) 6:00 am

POMC Inc. Unsolved Cases (5:30 am)

FacesOfTheMissing.org (5:00 am)

A Message from the webmaster...Welcome to Faces of the Missing

Office for Victims of Crime (O.V.C) 4:30 am

Garden of Angels (4:00 am)

Amber Hagerman... In memory of all abducted children (3:30 am)

IN MEMORY OF ALL ABDUCTED CHILDREN

Code Amber Amber Alert Statistics

POMC Inc. Murder Wall...Honoring Their Memories (3:00 am)

National Center for Children Exposed to Violence (2:30 am)

Bereaved Parents of the USA Organization (2:00 am)

The Compassionate Friends (1:30 am)

Grief Support After the Death of a Child

Author, Kathleen O'Hara (1:00 am)

"GRIEF", written by Debbie Wiley (12:30 am)

ARTICLE: "A Grief Like No Other" (12 Midnight)

Impact Statement, Written by Debbie Wiley (11:30 pm)

My impact statement as I wrote it:

________________________________

________________________________

Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters (M.O.M.S.) 11:00 pm

MEMORY BOARD FORTHE MURDERED CHILDRENOF M.O.M.S.

Grief - "The Human Experience" (10:30 pm)

Grief - "The Human Experience"

A Message from John Walsh

To Survivors of Homice (From POMC Brochure) 9:30 pm

Natl. Org. of Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc, (POMC) 9:00 pm

Facts on Preventing Violence Against Women and Children

ARTICLE: Breaking the Cycle (8:00 PM)

Statistics for Children in Violent Homes (7:30 pm)

Nat. Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV ~ 7:00 pm)

Resource: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (http://ncadv.org)

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (N.C.A.D.V.)www.ncadv.org

Mission Statement and Purpose

Violent Death Among Children Linked to Household Firearms (6:30 pm)

Below is an article published in 2002 regarding a 10-year long study on the relationship between the levels of household firearm ownership and number of violent deaths of children.

Mental Note To Readers: For the love of God, if you own a gun, keep it away from the access of children!

Reference: Harvard School of Public Health (http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/press-releases/)

Violent Death Among Children Linked to Household Firearms

ARTICLE: Risk of Death in Children of Abused Women

Abused women's children have an increased risk of dying before age five

Bibliography

ARTICLE: Violence Has a Home Address

ARTICLE: "Make It Your Business" (5:00 pm)

ARTICLE: Unreported Suspicions (4:30 pm)

ARTICLE: How Indiana Children Die Needlessly (4:00 pm)

ARTICLE: Adults Putting Loyalty Above Child Welfare (3:30 pm)

ARTICLE: Reforms Benefiting Children Elsewhere (3:00 pm)

ARTICLE: Neglect is Tougher to Prove (2:30 pm)

ARTICLE: "Justice Often Uneven" (2:00 pm)

Stanley Milgrams Famous Experiment (1:30pm)

Forgiveness: Dr. Hans Munch (1:00 pm)

Reference: The Jewish Virtual Library (http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/)

Hans Münch

Documentary: Forgiving Dr. Mengele (12:30 pm)

Forgiving Dr. Mengele

Eva Mozes Kor (Founder of CANDLES ~ 12 Noon)

A Message from the webmaster...

Welcome to Faces of the Missing

MEMORY BOARD FOR
THE MURDERED CHILDREN
OF M.O.M.S.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (N.C.A.D.V.)
www.ncadv.org